42257 & 42008
I am delighted to be able to announce that alongside the fully stocked Extress Café, which is serving a range of hot and cold snacks, hot and cold drinks, hot and cold porridge and hot and cold levels of service, tonight’s blog is brought to you by Train Manager supreme, Kimberly.
Please take great care when taking your seat about Carriage B on the 17:49 to Worcester Shrub Hill by sitting down gently in Carriage 42257 and making sure that you are not going to land on an upturned Brompton bike.
On disembarkation to change trains to the 18:37 to Frome please take great care when opening the doors to Carriage C, which you’ll find between Carriage B and Carriage D and tonight, is labelled with the number 42008. In fact, opening the doors may well take too long and delay the train even longer than the 10 minutes it takes the miserable-as-sin platform staff to dispatch it, so instead can I encourage all passengers to enter and leave the carriage by using the windows which I have helpfully opened beforehand. You assistance in this matter will be most appreciated.
The next stop in five and a half hours will be some God forsaken place in the east of England but I will tell you now that only the front five carriages will be platformed there. So just in case you’re too damn stupid to work out that the first five letters of the alphabet are A, B, C, D & E, only carriages A, B, C, D & E will be platformed there. In the meantime I will ask you all to sit back, relax and let me repeat this and other meaningless drivel instead of walking up and down and checking tickets.