46009 – 18:00 Wednesday 13th May

46009

Well that’s just great. I get 13 months into this pointless exercise and then I get to sit in one of the new, converted, ex-first class carriages – in this case Carriage K on the 18:00 to Bristol – and find that the number, 46009, isn’t on my list that was given to me by Jess and Ollie way back when.

So basically where does 46009 fit in the scheme of things and more importantly, which ex-number now no longer exists because it’s become 46009?

I won’t sleep tonight!

42077 – 18:00 Tuesday 21st April

42077

Fear not faint hearts and fair maidens, I haven’t deserted you but instead am back in the saddle after a couple of weeks dodging the annual FGW Easter debacle by taking my handsome face on a tour around Europe.

Monday saw me back riding the iron horse and would you believe it, it also marked a year to the day since I started this stupid blog. And just so I can confirm my thoughts down in writing, nothing, that’s absolutely nothing has improved about my commute in that year. Nothing.

Unfortunately for the capture, both Monday and today saw just duplicates, but Tuesday saw a new carriage falling victim in the shape of 42077, a Carriage F on the 18:00 to Bristol.

Here’s to the next year!

Oh, P.S. Nothing has improved.

44029 – 18:03 Monday 2nd March

44029

Remember me? The annoying tit who’s still whittling on about bleedin’ FGW carriages?

Well I’m back and amazingly enough managed to capture one of the few remaining carriage A’s left as I sat in 44029 on the 18:03 Penzance service.

It was quite possibly the noisiest Carriage A I’ve been in for a long time but as the Train Manager made his way through the babbling crowd, checking tickets it got me thinking about certain FGW ticket rules.

One of the chattering cows on one of the table seats was asked for her seat reservation as well as her ticket. Now I know that some advance fares have a mandatory seat reservation included but what I’m puzzled about is why the TM needs to see it? I mean, the train has left, so presumably she’s not taking someone else’s reservation and in what way does seeing her reservation make her ticket “more valid”, it’s not like it proves her identity or anything. And let us just for a moment imagine another possible scenario.

I board the train with my super-dooper super-saver ticket and discover that the seat that I’ve had to reserve isn’t where I want to sit.

Perhaps it’s dirty, perhaps there’s a big fatty in the seat next to it overflowing onto the arm-rest, perhaps there’s some git on a mobile blathering to their mother about their recent hysterectomy or perhaps the last occupant has left it wet and stinking (happened to me once……I mean I once sat in a wet and stinking seat by mistake, not that I left a seat wet…..honest) so I decide to sit in another vacant seat.

The TM then starts his inspection and asks for my seat reservation. I show it and explain why I’m not in the seat. What would then happen……..I guess what I’m asking is, do I “have” to sit in the reserved seat and as I’ve said before, in what way does seeing my reservation make my ticket “more valid”?

Make sense?

Nope. Me neither.

42332 – 18:03 Monday 16th February

42332

OK, let’s be totally and utterly and doubly accurate tonight.

My journey from Paddington to Reading was aboard the 17:49 to Worcester Shrub Hill and I sat in Carriage D which was numbered as 42332.

We arrived at Reading at 18:31 which made it 11 minutes late.

I then travelled from Reading to home in 42382 which is a duplicate carriage. I captured this one for the blog on the 30th of June 2014. 

We arrived home at 19:09 which made it 13 minutes late.

Both delays were the fault of First Great Western.

See, all the information you could possibly ever want or need.

42056 & 42305 – 18:03 & 18:37 Thursday 12th February

42056 & 42305

Well quite a busy old day all told.

Firstly, I spent the whole of my morning trying to decipher this tweet from Grant, who did explain that it was something about buying new spanners or something, but even now I think he was trying to get something past us.

And then in Carriage E, 42056, on the Penzance service home I was forced to share my seat with a bloke with terrible BO who spent the whole journey to Reading performing an extraordinary array of over-exaggerated yawns. I mean, I was getting the message, he’d had a hard day at work, but did he really have to share it with the whole carriage? We suffered a slight delay and as we pulled into Reading, the TM announced why we were running late which set Mr Attention Seeker off into another round of tuts, shrugs, sarcastic laughs and much head shaking. Unfortunately some women encouraged him by engaging him in conversation which gave him the ideal opportunity to launch into a bizarre anti-FGW tirade which all centred around the motto “Transforming Travel” – which, to my knowledge FGW have never used as a slogan anyway.

“Oh, Transforming Travel! Pah! Never in a million years. Transforming Travle, my left foot!” etc

Just as I was preparing to move I noticed an iPhone cable on the floor under the seat. I picked it up and asked Mr Transforming Travel if it was his.

“Oh, no it’s not mine,” he said as he took it and put it in his pocket, “I thought it was yours.”

Which means he was not only a thief but a selfish twat that wasn’t even going to ask me if I’d maybe dropped my cable. A selfish thieving twat. A selfish thieving smelly twat.

And in other news aboard the 18:37 to Frome, I read the tragic news whilst sitting in Carriage B, 42305, that FGW Twitter hero Leo is leaving the company. He was the only one who understood me!

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

44025 – 18:03 Wednesday 11th February

44025

44025 was the Carriage A on the 18:03 to Penzance.

I got to Reading and then spent the next 90 minutes just hanging around the station.

Here’s what I wrote to the lovely folk at FGW tonight.

I was travelling from Paddington to Thatcham on 11-02-15 when I was left stranded at Reading due to signal failures in the Reading West area.

I arrived at Reading at 18:30 and was eventually put in a taxi to Newbury at 20:10. I arrived in Thatcham at 20:40

During the 100 minutes of delay at Reading station I was staggered by the sheer incompetence of the station staff who didn’t seem to be able to organise any sort of consistent message to the hundreds of passengers in similar positions as myself. At one stage we were all directed to the help desk only to find a single member of staff, with a frightened caught in the headlights look in her eyes, who didn’t even know there was a signal failure never mind what was happening.

When the Station Duty Manager turned up 15 minutes later he whispered some garbled message about buses that could only be heard by the first row of the number 200 or 300 hundred people surrounding the desk. The only way to have a chance of finding our what was happening was to trail a member of staff around and listen in to the whispered conversations they were having between themselves.

Eventually we were then directed to the steps down to the short stay car park where I waited on the steps for about 40 minutes with not one shred of communication. When I eventually reached the front of the taxi queue I was amazed to see it being organised by G4S staff and local police with not one member of FGW staff visible.

You are no doubt in the process of claiming your own compensation from Network Rail for the signal failures because in your eyes you will believe this delay was not your fault (although one could accuse you that your inability to work in any sort of a functional way with your partners makes this just as much your fault) but what cannot shrug your shoulder of, is why your staff simply cannot deal with any sort of a crisis situation. All that was needed tonight was someone with a level of confidence to raise their voice so all could hear (maybe stand on the help desk so all could see) and loudly announce what was happening. No-one is expecting magic taxis and buses to be produced from thin air but I do expect to be kept informed of what was happening and a competent level of organisation.

I am an annual gold season ticket holder and would like to know what compensation I am due for the almost 2 hour delay not to mention the atrocious discomfort suffered.

42034 & 42062 – 18:03 & 18:37 Tuesday 10th February

42034 & 42062

Well back in the saddle after a weekend away and a Monday that saw me travel home a la taxi.
42034 was the chosen Carriage F on the 18:03 Penzance service and what was also chosen was the seat next to me by the wazzock in the head to toe orange day-glo.

This strange fellow gradually smelt more and more like fish the nearer we got to Reading so by the time we were pulling into Platform 7 I could have been working the past 6 months aboard a Grimsby trawler.

42062, Carriage C on the 18:37 to Frome was less smelly but more noisy thanks to the little lad in front who was driving his model space shuttle with accompanying spit bubbles.

Good to be back.

44086, 42167 & 42021 – 07:15, 18:03 & 18:37 Monday 2nd February

44086, 42167 & 42021

A three carriage capture today and an insight into what goes on aboard the slightly later than my regular morning train.

A sleepless night, even more disturbed by the annual running of the World Handegg championships saw me awaken slightly later than normal and only make it to the station in time for the 07:15 instead of the 06:57.

But every cloud has its silver lining and it allowed me to capture 44086, Carriage A on this particular service.

As I was settling down on a rather uncomfortable table seat, I noticed a Thatcham regular about to take a spare seat towards to the back of the carriage. Just as she was sitting down, the chap in the window seat leapt up, quite loudly announced “I’m not sitting by you!”, picked up his suitcase and flounced to another spare seat further down the carriage.

Which just goes to show that there’s a much lower class of commuter aboard this service than my usual one.

The evening’s journeys home were aboard 42167, the Carriage F on the 18:03 Penzance service and 42021, the Carriage C on the 18:37 to Frome.

And the lesson today was, don’t tweet pictures of strangers to other strangers as the tweet might be seen by other strangers who are known a bit to the second stranger and they might call the original tweeter (a complete stranger) intolerant. Or, on the other hand, carry on regardless.

42209 & 42224 – 18:03 & 18:37 Tuesday 27th January

 

42209 & 42224

Well I know I made the offer for someone to jog my memory by mentioning “Leopard Print” or “French Nails” but I didn’t expect Mr (or is it Mrs? (Miss?)) @cr_rail (oooo they are cross) to be on my back morning, noon and night.

“Blah, blah, blah BGC, where’s the Leopard Print update? I can’t live my life without it. It’s so boring on the train without a blog update to read…..” and on and on and on and on.
So before he/she/it has a hernia, let me get today’s carriages out of the way and then we can get onto all things animal and keratin.

It was 42209, Carriage B on the 18:03 to Penzance and Carriage C, 42224 on the 18:37 to Frome. Highlight of the journey was sitting next to a chap reading what would have been called in my day, “Dungeon Master’s Guide” and looking at the pictures of the scantily clad elfish women.

So “Leopard Print” and “French Nails” – I boarded the morning train last Thursday and treated my rear end to one of my favourite seats, the isle seat next to Mr Williams. Mr Williams is a very dapper gent who boards at Reading. For those still trying to place him, he’s the chap who comes into Carriage A and usually yells out “Not that one!” as some Reading wazzock tries to steal his reserved seat. And just so everyone knows I’m not quite the stalker this post is making me out to be, how do I know he’s called Mr Williams? Well it says so on his reservation.

Anyway grabbing this seat means you’re almost certainly guaranteed a double-berth to yourself at least until Reading and as Mr Williams hasn’t been around for a while, if you’re really lucky, you get both seats to yourself all the way to London. Alas on this particular Thursday, two seats to myself was not to be, as I was surprised to be disturbed by Mr Williams himself and there was nothing else to do but to leap up like a startled gazelle and let him in.

But then the next day, Friday, I was fortunate enough to get the same seat again but somehow didn’t notice until I was sat sitting down that Mr Williams’s very own seat was occupied by a lady of certain years who was draped head to toe in Leopard Print. And yes, you’ve guessed it, she also had French Nails.

Now before I get accused of anything anti-sexual (or even sexual) this lady was perfect fine, she didn’t hog the armrest, she didn’t sniff or snort and she didn’t pick her nose with those perfect nails, but the journey wasn’t all sweetness and relaxation for me as I was worried what would happen at Reading when Mr Williams was sure to board.

Obviously I’d have to get up to let him in, and presumably she would too, but then what happens to that single vacant seat? Do I take it again as that’s where I was sitting and after all, it was Mrs Tigeress who’d made the original mistake? Or would she somehow expect to be able to do a sort of reverse “First Come First Served” and expect me to slink off and try to find another free place?
At the end of the day it was panic over as Mrs Tigress got off at Reading and Mr Williams was presumably having a long weekend as I ended up sitting next to some sweating day-glo clad cyclist, which was less than perfect.

So, it’s over to you, the jury…….if Mrs Tigress had stayed on, and if Mr Williams had come nipping down the isle with full expectation of his usual window seat, what would you have done?

42348 – 18:37 Monday 26th January

42348

Another week and another Carriage Capture, although only a single this time on the 18:37 to Frome where Carriage C, 42348 allowed me to sit in relative comfort even though a whole host of bag sitters and sideways long leg sitters were trying their hardest to block all the spare seats.

Still no-one has yet reminded me with the magic words of “Leopard Print” or “French Nails” so that story is going to have to wait.

In the meantime amuse yourselves with these pictures of 150001 who we welcome back to Reading tonight and this bloke who obviously didn’t think through the colour of his footwear when he bought his Brompton.

Queen of the 150's

King of the Dipshits

44036, 42206 & 42361 – 06:57, 18:03 & 18:37 Thursday 22th January

44036, 42206 & 42361

What’s this BGC, 4 carriages tonight?

Well, no, sadly only 3 but I did visit it 4 carriages in total, but alas 42129 was a duplicate although by my records it had changed from a Carriage E to a Carriage D since the last time I sat in it back in October.

But enough about that sort of boring stuff, let’s get down to the meat and 2 veg of today’s Carriage Capture.

Firstly there was 44036 on the morning train and it was a joy to capture a morning Carriage A and find it was one for the few A’s that I still haven’t got. There was a reason for capturing this one but I can’t go into details today. That said, lest I forget, one of my faithful readers needs to whisper the words “leopard print” & “French nails” and that will jog my memory to let rip with this particular episode.

This evening I first boarded the previously mentioned 42129 which was due off to Bristol but with 2 minutes to departure time the TM announced a train fault which led to me and several hundreds of my fellow travellers scampering across from Platform 2 to Platform 3 to board the Penzance service. Alas this last minute swap-a-roo left me without a seat and stood in the vestibule of 42206.

It was her rucksack as well.

Also stood with me was the owner of this fold up bike, it wasn’t even a proper Brompton, who not only dumped her monstrosity of right in the centre of the door into Carriage C but then proceeded to have a length, loud and quite profane conversation with someone on the end of a phone about how her bike had got damaged in the car park today.

Well to be honest love, taking into account the amount of consideration you showed the rest of us tonight, I’m actually quite joyful your shambolic effort of a cycle got knackered. Hope you had to push it all the way home.

The 18:37 to Frome saw me in Carriage B, 42361.

Remember – Leopard Print and French Nails.

42213 & 42250 – 18:03 & 18:37 Wednesday 20th January

42213 & 42250

Well no such excitement on tonight’s trains as it was Babs in charge.

42213 was my carriage of choice on the 18:03 to Penzance, this being a Carriage F.

And on the 18:37 it was Carriage B, 42250, which allowed my rear end to park itself.

Well there it is, if I could make it more riveting I certainly would…..but I can’t.

42257 & 42008 – 17:49 & 18:37 Tuesday 20th January

42257 & 42008

Well hello everybody. Firstly I’d like to apologise for the delay in tonight’s blog entry. The blog was updated about 8 minutes later than normal and I do heartily apologies for any inconvenience this will cause to you. Hopefully I will be able to make up some of this time by droning on and on and on and on and on and generally either sending you to sleep or making you dash your head against the window so hard you forget your name and where you were travelling to.

I am delighted to be able to announce that alongside the fully stocked Extress Café, which is serving a range of hot and cold snacks, hot and cold drinks, hot and cold porridge and hot and cold levels of service, tonight’s blog is brought to you by Train Manager supreme, Kimberly.

Please take great care when taking your seat about Carriage B on the 17:49 to Worcester Shrub Hill by sitting down gently in Carriage 42257 and making sure that you are not going to land on an upturned Brompton bike.

On disembarkation to change trains to the 18:37 to Frome please take great care when opening the doors to Carriage C, which you’ll find between Carriage B and Carriage D and tonight, is labelled with the number 42008. In fact, opening the doors may well take too long and delay the train even longer than the 10 minutes it takes the miserable-as-sin platform staff to dispatch it, so instead can I encourage all passengers to enter and leave the carriage by using the windows which I have helpfully opened beforehand. You assistance in this matter will be most appreciated.

The next stop in five and a half hours will be some God forsaken place in the east of England but I will tell you now that only the front five carriages will be platformed there. So just in case you’re too damn stupid to work out that the first five letters of the alphabet are A, B, C, D & E, only carriages A, B, C, D & E will be platformed there. In the meantime I will ask you all to sit back, relax and let me repeat this and other meaningless drivel instead of walking up and down and checking tickets.

42577 – 18:00 Friday 16th January

42577

Well let’s finish the week with a bit of a story and for those who have the joy of following me on Twitter (other Twitter’ers are available) it’s not about Reading MP Alok Sharma (@AlokSharma_RDG) having a slap up tea and bun festival with First Great Western and announcing it as a major breakthrough in better conditions for commuters.

What it is about is the seeming inability for women to put any sort of filter on what’s coming out of their mouths when they are blathering into the phone in public.

As I sat down in Carriage E on the 18:00 to Bristol Temple Meads (42577) I was soon accosted by the women next to me as she rang up her other half and proceeded to announce the results of her blood tests in relation to her ongoing fertility treatment.

This was then followed by another woman from the other side of the carriage answering a call from her mother and proceeding to announce to the carriage in how much pain she was currently in and what medication she’d taken that day which wasn’t having any effect on her symptoms.

As we pulled into Reading my seating partner (remember, the one who can’t get up the spout) was one of the most politest people ever, seeing without prompting I was preparing to disembark and leaving my way free with a kind word and a smile. I was almost tempted to add a “hope you get
pregnant!” to my thanks.

The train home was an unfortunately duplicate but it did feature a crazy mentalist who decided to put on a dance show in the space where wheelchairs usually go.

Mentalist

If it wasn’t for the fact he looked like he could stab me at any moment it might have been quite entertaining!

44020 & 42253 – 06:57 & 18:35 Wednesday 14th January

44020 & 42253

Well how about this for a treat, a morning capture captured in full glorious Technicolor!

44020 was my quiet carriage of choice on the 06:57 from Bristol Temple Meads this morning and even the 10 minute delay couldn’t spoil my delight in capturing this superb photo.

My travel home was also delayed due to work commitments, so not FGW’s fault, but it did mean I could sit in Carriage B on the 18:35 to Exeter and capture 42253.

Wowzers!

42574 – 18:03 Tuesday 13th January

42574

Sometimes there are interesting things to tell you about my latest Carriage Capture.

Sometimes there isn’t.

Tonight I say in 42574, Carriage E on the 18:03 Penzance server.

Bye.

44003 (again) & 42310 – 18:03 & 18:37 Wednesday 7th January

44003 (again) & 42310

I thought I was definitely on for a new capture when I spotted 44003 making up Carriage A on the 18:03 Penzance service as its door stickers were a different colour than the normal gaudy pink and blue. But it seems I did travel on this one already back in May last year.

But 42310 was a new Carriage C on the 18:37 to Frome at least.

And if that isn’t enough, here’s a picture of 150002 which is standing in for 150001 at the moment.

150002

It’s a long story………..but hilarious!

No, seriously, it is.

42027 – 18:37 Tuesday 6th January

42027

I must have secretly have asked for some on-time trains for Christmas as once again everything was running more or less to clockwork and rather empty to boot.

Alas the train to Reading was a duplicate but Carriage D, 42027, on the 18:37 to Frome was a new one in the book.

Hurrah!

42281 & 42175 – 18:03 & 18:37 Monday 5th January

42281 & 42175

A new year but not a new blog I’m afraid so it’s back in the saddle for some more FGW Carriage focused fun.

And to be honest it was quite fun today. Firstly all the trains were on time and secondly the 18:03 Penzance service (in which I sat in 42281 Carriage B) was as deserted as Katie Hopkins’s Christmas card list.

When we pulled into Reading, the 5 people who were sat in the carriage with me all got off, leaving a totally empty carriage rattling down the line to Taunton.

Deserted 42281

Alas, 42175, Carriage B on the 18:37 Frome service was rather fuller with far far too many #BagSeatWankers for my liking.

But………..and this is the important thing……….everything was running as smoothly as Ollie’s baby face and I just know this will continue all year. Yes?

40752 & 41127 – 14:34 & 09:33 Monday 22nd & Saturday 27th December

40752 & 41137

The dedicated readers of this blog (other blogs of mine are available) may have cottoned on from the last epic entry that although I had completed my last commute of 2014, I was still to make my last journey on a steaming iron horse by travelling away for the frolicking festive season.

And it wouldn’t just be a case of “travelling away”, oh no, I would be spirited away in a sense of luxury and splendour not seen since Hercule Poirot decided to take a wee cruise up the Nile, as I was going to travel First Great Western 1st class and I could only just hope that there would be a suitably attired porter to carry all my hat boxes to the guard’s van.

The “away” bit of the travel was actually a bit of an anti-climax as son of BGC and I left aboard Carriage K (40752) on the 14:34 Reading to Penzance service and only had to endure the sight of a portly gentleman retrieving his bags from the overhead lockers and displaying a yard of hairy mid-drift.

The saving grace of this rather mundane excursion was the appearance of the FGW Trolley which was ably pushed around by a chap called Reuban and a lady, whose name I missed on account of other attributes of hers taking my attention every time they went past. Reuban also did a good line in one-liners, which were unfortunately wasted on the geriatric audience he had to deal with:

“A weak tea please.”
“Is that this week or next week?”
“Umm, no, just one with lots of milk please.”
Reuban, me old mate, I would, if at all possible, give up the day job.”

 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The return leg began oh so well with a more-or-less on time departure from Liskeard station, which features for those that have a fetish for such things, a lovely old signal box and a bay platform for the branch line to Looe which is at right angles to the main line.

A second bonus was quickly discovered when our reserved seats were in Carriage L, 41127, which is one of the brand spanking new refurbished 1st Class cars that have recently been spruced up thanks to a Department of Transport investment. Good to see the big wigs at the top have the needs of the common passenger at heart………

Anyway, to be fair, it’s a bit more of a spruce up as it features a pretty good attempt at a 1930’s make-over with classic Great Western Railway logos and a funky pattern carpet. They’ve even put a big “1st” on the door so that bell-boys know where to drop off your portmanteau and trunks.

Funky & Numbers

It was all going well, apart from the chap opposite who had noises turned on on his laptop so every time he opened a file or deleted something we were all treated to a “boing!” or a “twang!”, but the wheels began to really fall off the wagon as we continued our journey and crawled into Taunton.
News was filtering through that all lines into Paddington were blocked and as such with no trains being able to leave the capital, services were being cancelled all over the shop. Our already full train was then diverted to Bristol and would make further stops at Bath, Chippenham, Swindon and Didcot in order to mop up some of the stranded passengers trying to get to London.

By this time 1st Class had already been declassified meaning the smart Great Western Railway logos were now all blocked by rucksacks, suitcases and people. The Train Manager kept up a good level of communications but all of his promises to “now I’ve had a word with control and we won’t be picking up any more people in xxxx” were all rather hopeful as on each and every stop we seemed to cram on a few dozen more.

Now lest anyone get the idea that I was disapproving of all these actions, I’m not. I would have gladly had a granny and a toddler sitting on my lap if it meant that a couple more folk could have got on their way, and I must say that after watching the night’s news and seeing the poor souls queuing for miles around Finsbury Park station my 2 hour delay into Reading is really quite small potatoes in comparison.

I’m not going to rabbit on anymore about the fiasco because it’s been dominating our news channels for the past to days, but I’ll leave you with one question. Why, when Network Rail Managing Director, Robin Gisby, appeared on the news to give us his snivelling excuses did the captions just read – “Robin Gisby – Network Rail”? Was he trying to pass himself as a little cog in this massive machine as if he was just the poor lamb sent to the slaughter of the press? I hope that some sort of parliamentary investigation awaits him and we get to see more of his frown be-lined visage sweating in the face of pointed questions. Oh, and just so you know, it would seem he clears close on a million quid a year for his work. Priceless. Worth every penny. Twat.

Oh....did you want to know the scores on the doors for the end of the year? Well from the total of 497 Carriages which Ollie told me about, I have travelled in (drum roll) 157 of them! So just the 340 to go.....roll on 2015!