44029 – 18:03 Monday 2nd March

44029

Remember me? The annoying tit who’s still whittling on about bleedin’ FGW carriages?

Well I’m back and amazingly enough managed to capture one of the few remaining carriage A’s left as I sat in 44029 on the 18:03 Penzance service.

It was quite possibly the noisiest Carriage A I’ve been in for a long time but as the Train Manager made his way through the babbling crowd, checking tickets it got me thinking about certain FGW ticket rules.

One of the chattering cows on one of the table seats was asked for her seat reservation as well as her ticket. Now I know that some advance fares have a mandatory seat reservation included but what I’m puzzled about is why the TM needs to see it? I mean, the train has left, so presumably she’s not taking someone else’s reservation and in what way does seeing her reservation make her ticket “more valid”, it’s not like it proves her identity or anything. And let us just for a moment imagine another possible scenario.

I board the train with my super-dooper super-saver ticket and discover that the seat that I’ve had to reserve isn’t where I want to sit.

Perhaps it’s dirty, perhaps there’s a big fatty in the seat next to it overflowing onto the arm-rest, perhaps there’s some git on a mobile blathering to their mother about their recent hysterectomy or perhaps the last occupant has left it wet and stinking (happened to me once……I mean I once sat in a wet and stinking seat by mistake, not that I left a seat wet…..honest) so I decide to sit in another vacant seat.

The TM then starts his inspection and asks for my seat reservation. I show it and explain why I’m not in the seat. What would then happen……..I guess what I’m asking is, do I “have” to sit in the reserved seat and as I’ve said before, in what way does seeing my reservation make my ticket “more valid”?

Make sense?

Nope. Me neither.

42209 & 42224 – 18:03 & 18:37 Tuesday 27th January

 

42209 & 42224

Well I know I made the offer for someone to jog my memory by mentioning “Leopard Print” or “French Nails” but I didn’t expect Mr (or is it Mrs? (Miss?)) @cr_rail (oooo they are cross) to be on my back morning, noon and night.

“Blah, blah, blah BGC, where’s the Leopard Print update? I can’t live my life without it. It’s so boring on the train without a blog update to read…..” and on and on and on and on.
So before he/she/it has a hernia, let me get today’s carriages out of the way and then we can get onto all things animal and keratin.

It was 42209, Carriage B on the 18:03 to Penzance and Carriage C, 42224 on the 18:37 to Frome. Highlight of the journey was sitting next to a chap reading what would have been called in my day, “Dungeon Master’s Guide” and looking at the pictures of the scantily clad elfish women.

So “Leopard Print” and “French Nails” – I boarded the morning train last Thursday and treated my rear end to one of my favourite seats, the isle seat next to Mr Williams. Mr Williams is a very dapper gent who boards at Reading. For those still trying to place him, he’s the chap who comes into Carriage A and usually yells out “Not that one!” as some Reading wazzock tries to steal his reserved seat. And just so everyone knows I’m not quite the stalker this post is making me out to be, how do I know he’s called Mr Williams? Well it says so on his reservation.

Anyway grabbing this seat means you’re almost certainly guaranteed a double-berth to yourself at least until Reading and as Mr Williams hasn’t been around for a while, if you’re really lucky, you get both seats to yourself all the way to London. Alas on this particular Thursday, two seats to myself was not to be, as I was surprised to be disturbed by Mr Williams himself and there was nothing else to do but to leap up like a startled gazelle and let him in.

But then the next day, Friday, I was fortunate enough to get the same seat again but somehow didn’t notice until I was sat sitting down that Mr Williams’s very own seat was occupied by a lady of certain years who was draped head to toe in Leopard Print. And yes, you’ve guessed it, she also had French Nails.

Now before I get accused of anything anti-sexual (or even sexual) this lady was perfect fine, she didn’t hog the armrest, she didn’t sniff or snort and she didn’t pick her nose with those perfect nails, but the journey wasn’t all sweetness and relaxation for me as I was worried what would happen at Reading when Mr Williams was sure to board.

Obviously I’d have to get up to let him in, and presumably she would too, but then what happens to that single vacant seat? Do I take it again as that’s where I was sitting and after all, it was Mrs Tigeress who’d made the original mistake? Or would she somehow expect to be able to do a sort of reverse “First Come First Served” and expect me to slink off and try to find another free place?
At the end of the day it was panic over as Mrs Tigress got off at Reading and Mr Williams was presumably having a long weekend as I ended up sitting next to some sweating day-glo clad cyclist, which was less than perfect.

So, it’s over to you, the jury…….if Mrs Tigress had stayed on, and if Mr Williams had come nipping down the isle with full expectation of his usual window seat, what would you have done?

42348 – 18:37 Monday 26th January

42348

Another week and another Carriage Capture, although only a single this time on the 18:37 to Frome where Carriage C, 42348 allowed me to sit in relative comfort even though a whole host of bag sitters and sideways long leg sitters were trying their hardest to block all the spare seats.

Still no-one has yet reminded me with the magic words of “Leopard Print” or “French Nails” so that story is going to have to wait.

In the meantime amuse yourselves with these pictures of 150001 who we welcome back to Reading tonight and this bloke who obviously didn’t think through the colour of his footwear when he bought his Brompton.

Queen of the 150's

King of the Dipshits

42213 & 42250 – 18:03 & 18:37 Wednesday 20th January

42213 & 42250

Well no such excitement on tonight’s trains as it was Babs in charge.

42213 was my carriage of choice on the 18:03 to Penzance, this being a Carriage F.

And on the 18:37 it was Carriage B, 42250, which allowed my rear end to park itself.

Well there it is, if I could make it more riveting I certainly would…..but I can’t.

42257 & 42008 – 17:49 & 18:37 Tuesday 20th January

42257 & 42008

Well hello everybody. Firstly I’d like to apologise for the delay in tonight’s blog entry. The blog was updated about 8 minutes later than normal and I do heartily apologies for any inconvenience this will cause to you. Hopefully I will be able to make up some of this time by droning on and on and on and on and on and generally either sending you to sleep or making you dash your head against the window so hard you forget your name and where you were travelling to.

I am delighted to be able to announce that alongside the fully stocked Extress Café, which is serving a range of hot and cold snacks, hot and cold drinks, hot and cold porridge and hot and cold levels of service, tonight’s blog is brought to you by Train Manager supreme, Kimberly.

Please take great care when taking your seat about Carriage B on the 17:49 to Worcester Shrub Hill by sitting down gently in Carriage 42257 and making sure that you are not going to land on an upturned Brompton bike.

On disembarkation to change trains to the 18:37 to Frome please take great care when opening the doors to Carriage C, which you’ll find between Carriage B and Carriage D and tonight, is labelled with the number 42008. In fact, opening the doors may well take too long and delay the train even longer than the 10 minutes it takes the miserable-as-sin platform staff to dispatch it, so instead can I encourage all passengers to enter and leave the carriage by using the windows which I have helpfully opened beforehand. You assistance in this matter will be most appreciated.

The next stop in five and a half hours will be some God forsaken place in the east of England but I will tell you now that only the front five carriages will be platformed there. So just in case you’re too damn stupid to work out that the first five letters of the alphabet are A, B, C, D & E, only carriages A, B, C, D & E will be platformed there. In the meantime I will ask you all to sit back, relax and let me repeat this and other meaningless drivel instead of walking up and down and checking tickets.

42577 – 18:00 Friday 16th January

42577

Well let’s finish the week with a bit of a story and for those who have the joy of following me on Twitter (other Twitter’ers are available) it’s not about Reading MP Alok Sharma (@AlokSharma_RDG) having a slap up tea and bun festival with First Great Western and announcing it as a major breakthrough in better conditions for commuters.

What it is about is the seeming inability for women to put any sort of filter on what’s coming out of their mouths when they are blathering into the phone in public.

As I sat down in Carriage E on the 18:00 to Bristol Temple Meads (42577) I was soon accosted by the women next to me as she rang up her other half and proceeded to announce the results of her blood tests in relation to her ongoing fertility treatment.

This was then followed by another woman from the other side of the carriage answering a call from her mother and proceeding to announce to the carriage in how much pain she was currently in and what medication she’d taken that day which wasn’t having any effect on her symptoms.

As we pulled into Reading my seating partner (remember, the one who can’t get up the spout) was one of the most politest people ever, seeing without prompting I was preparing to disembark and leaving my way free with a kind word and a smile. I was almost tempted to add a “hope you get
pregnant!” to my thanks.

The train home was an unfortunately duplicate but it did feature a crazy mentalist who decided to put on a dance show in the space where wheelchairs usually go.

Mentalist

If it wasn’t for the fact he looked like he could stab me at any moment it might have been quite entertaining!

44020 & 42253 – 06:57 & 18:35 Wednesday 14th January

44020 & 42253

Well how about this for a treat, a morning capture captured in full glorious Technicolor!

44020 was my quiet carriage of choice on the 06:57 from Bristol Temple Meads this morning and even the 10 minute delay couldn’t spoil my delight in capturing this superb photo.

My travel home was also delayed due to work commitments, so not FGW’s fault, but it did mean I could sit in Carriage B on the 18:35 to Exeter and capture 42253.

Wowzers!

42281 & 42175 – 18:03 & 18:37 Monday 5th January

42281 & 42175

A new year but not a new blog I’m afraid so it’s back in the saddle for some more FGW Carriage focused fun.

And to be honest it was quite fun today. Firstly all the trains were on time and secondly the 18:03 Penzance service (in which I sat in 42281 Carriage B) was as deserted as Katie Hopkins’s Christmas card list.

When we pulled into Reading, the 5 people who were sat in the carriage with me all got off, leaving a totally empty carriage rattling down the line to Taunton.

Deserted 42281

Alas, 42175, Carriage B on the 18:37 Frome service was rather fuller with far far too many #BagSeatWankers for my liking.

But………..and this is the important thing……….everything was running as smoothly as Ollie’s baby face and I just know this will continue all year. Yes?

42273 & 42276 – 09:07 & 19:13 Saturday 15th November

42273 & 42276

What’s this? The BGC out and about on a Saturday?

Well, to be frank, yes I was and not just me. I was joined on this weekend jaunt by a veritable rag tag bunch of reprobates who all have a tenuous connection to the West Berkshire branch of the Campaign for Real Ale - @WBCAMRA.

I have no doubt the trip will be covered in much more detail by everyone’s favourite train nerd, @SlowpokeSam in his superb Beer Branches blog, but you could probably sum it up in the succinct way the FGW Train Manager did when he checked our tickets on the way to Westbury.

“Off to Bath for the rugby then?”

“Nope.”

“Ah, drinking then?”

42773 – Carriage B on the 09:07 to Westbury

42276 – Carriage F on the 19:13 to Newbury

42300 – 18:03 Monday 10th November

42300

Oh it was all excitement on the Carriage Capture today, well actually it started on Friday when on my return to the homestead I found a large tube shaped package waiting for me.

Knowing that I hadn’t recently ordered anything recently from Amsterdam I was fairly confident that Mr @EverardsTiger had come up trumps and had fulfilled his promise to deliver a brand spanking new Everards Tiger brolly.

The brolly had his first trip to London today and took a leisurely journey back to Reading on the 18:03 Truro Service where he sat, with me, in Carriage E or 42300.

He also leapt aboard 42050, Carriage B on the 18:37 Frome but unfortunately this was a duplicate from the 24th of October.

42050 (again)

But even this couldn’t take the shine of a rather good day. Just a pity it didn’t actually rain!

42572 – 18:00 Tuesday 4th November

42572

Remember, remember, the 4th of November – Oh, all right then, don’t, it was fairly forgettable apart from one thing.

The train journey was certainly forgettable, aboard 42572 which was one of the refurbished carriages, now playing the role of Carriage B on the 18:00 Bristol Temple Meads service.

What was very re-memorable was that Mr Tiger, or @EverardsTiger as he’s known to people who he follows on Twitter, has been in touch and a new Tiger Brolly should be winging it’s way to chez BGC as I write and you read this interesting blog!

So it’ll be no more wet frizzy hair on the way to the pub, which in fact tomorrow night, so it will be one more night arriving home looking like Ugly Betty.

Hey ho……

42258 & 42129 – 23:30 Wednesday 22nd October & 18:00 Thursday 23rd October

42258 & 42129

A very quick update as I’m tired and to be perfectly honest not a great deal worthy of note has happened.

Last night I caught the last train home, that being the 23:30 Swansea Service and sat in Carriage 42258, which as you’ll see from the photo was a carriage with the VOLO TVs. That means it should have been a Carriage D or perhaps a Carriage E but for some strange reason I think it was a Carriage B.

Tonight I was definitely aboard a Carriage E, namely 42129 on the 18:00 Bristol Service.

And that’s it, apart from saying hello to FGW’s new Twitter person, Anne (well I haven’t exchanged tweets with her before anyway) who is rather partial to red seat ears.

Red Seat Ears

41157 & 41140 – 11:07 & 16:35 Sunday 5th October

41157 & 41140

Another Sunday outing? Another two 1st Class Carriages?

That can surely only mean one thing; the BGC and Mrs BGC have been using up more complimentary FGW tickets……

…..and you’d be right.

A day trip to Bristol was the order of the day and what better way to make that journey than on the 11:07 service to Swansea and sit in Carriage M (my first ever Carriage M) which was 41157.

There was too much good stuff to cover in this blog, but the return was made in 41157, Carriage L.

Must stop now…….it’s Antiques Roadshow.

42510 – 18:00 Friday 3rd October

42510

A little of a misleading title here because my journey on 42510, a Carriage E on the 18:00 service to Bristol Temple Meads was absolutely as uneventful as a non-event in a plain white box filled with nothing.

But my journey on the Frome service (in Carriage 42217 a duplicate from the 5th of August) was something of a conundrum because Carriage 42217 is a Carriage C and that means it has the big toilet with the funny flip-up seats outside it.

I chose to sit in one of them today which isn’t something I would normally do because it not only means you’re in the way of disembarking people but you also look like a garden gnome pervert with a fetish for toilet goers because your nose ends up almost rubbing against the automatic sliding toilet door. But anyway there I was minding my own business like any self respecting garden gnome pervert until as we left Theale I realised that I had a choice to make……

I could see other Thatcham regulars in Carriage C and I knew that they had seen me but if I now got up early and stood by the door, it would look like I was one of the #EarlyStanderWankers who plague the journey into London. These are the people who start getting their things together and causing a disturbing kerfuffle even before we’ve reached Old Oak Common and it’s all in a valiant attempt to just be one of the first off the carriage. I mean, the very very earliest you should be standing is round about Westbourne Studios and if you’re getting up around Royal Oak or the Crossrail works then, please, be my guest, even I’m usually putting on my jacket around there, but honestly, if you’re packing away your laptop or banging up the little table and we’re still outside Pall Mall Deposit then you’re a tosser…..period. In fact you’re worse than a tosser, you’re an #EarlyStanderWanker

But on the other hand, if I left it late and waited until there was a queue formed around the door then when I got up I would basically “push in front” of half the queue because half the queue would be round my funny flip-up seat. Which surely would make me a #PushInWanker ?

So what did I do when faced with such a dilemma?

I did what any self respecting commuter would. I got up early but hid in the vestibule of Carriage B so no-one saw me.

Well, what else could I have done? At least I avoided being an #EarlyStanderWanker……

…..or a #PushInWanker.

42245 & 42070 – 18:03 & 18:37 Wednesday 1st October

42245 & 42070

Just when you thought you had all the possible excitement that the Carriage Capture could possibly deliver, along comes a journey that fair takes your breath away……or maybe not, but at least “something” happened today.

Firstly though, it was a very mundane 18:03 Penzance service that took me from Paddington to Reading in Carriage E, aka 42245. The only thing of note here was another arm rest-hogger who compounded his oafishness by playing Candy Crush for the whole journey like some sulky adolescent Kevin.

Pouting lips when all you can’t do is line up three cherries isn’t a good look mate.

I then changed at Reading for my regular late Frome service and plonked myself down in a very innocent looking Carriage D, aka 42070.

It was just when we left Theale that I heard raised voices in the vestibule and from the bits of conversation I could pick up it seemed that the Train Manager was having a go at a passenger who had tried to leave at Theale but had found that the doors were already locked.

“Well I ain’t paying for a ticket to Thatcham then” said the failed disembarkee to which the TM retorted with some excuse about having already given the signal to the driver to leave.

But obviously this got the TM’s goat somewhat riled as he then stomped into our carriage and demanded to see all tickets. (And it was a “demand” there wasn’t any “asking” about it.)

Now this is very strange. I get my ticket checked every day, usually in the mornings just when I’ve fallen asleep but I’ve never seen a ticket check be carried out 3 minutes from Thatcham and never seen one carried out with such ill grace by such an obviously annoyed TM.

So as we’re all digging into inside pockets and purses for the vital bits of paper, a lady comes walking up the aisle to get to a door ready to leave. She is no doubt absolutely kicking herself now by choosing to come this way as the TM blocked her and demanded her ticket as well.

Well you know what’s going to happen next don’t you. She only had a Reading travel card and Mr Charming decided that this was good enough to not only charge her for a ticket but to also slap on a penalty fare as well. £24 for Reading to Thatcham, a bargain of 10 miles in anyone’s book.

Now look, let me be very clear here. I’m no fan of fare dodgers and I have nothing against TM’s checking tickets or even the Revenue Protection goons which FGW position at the barriers every now and again – although why the pick the most miserable sour faced prunes for this job I don’t know why – but there is a thing called discretion and also a thing called manners and as it became clear from the lady’s story (her car had broken down and she’d found herself stranded in Reading) this was more of an oversight than a deliberate go at fare dodging. Yes, she should of course have bought a ticket, but instead of helping her on what had already been probably a very shitty day, or at least playing fair (fare – geddit!) with her by just charging for a single ticket, the TM was just on autopilot to make an example of the lady and raise some more profits for the FGW shareholders.

The stand off ended when the TM, who had now captured the lady’s travel card and refused to return it, barged past the rest of us who by now were queuing up to leave at Thatcham, yelling how he was “going to make a report” and how he had “every right to keep this travel card”.

Now I don’t know if the lady will make a complaint. I would guess not seeing as, at the end of the day, she was in the wrong and probably knows she’ll get no change out of the wonderful FGW 3 week turnaround complaints system, but I on the other hand certainly will be.

Because whether or not someone has paid or not, they deserve to be treated with dignity, politeness and fairness. Something the majority of the TMs do do, let me again be clear on that point, but for Patrick, (for that was his name) to be so obviously acting only according to his annoyed mood and desperate to “win” the stand off to act in this way was just not right.

Oh, and Patrick, in the unlikely event you read this……saying “madam” to someone does not equal politeness. I’m sure your mum would agree.

44093 & 42208 – 18:05 Friday 25th September & 18:30 Monday 29th September

44093 & 42208

Apologies to all those who have been waiting all weekend, with a great gnashing of the teeth at the lack of update for Friday. But let me go some ways to make amends by presenting no only another Carriage A photo, but a Carriage A photo that features none other than everyone’s favourite lightbulb changer and train nerd, Sam Sammington, or @slowpokesam to his friends.

Sam needed no encouragement to pose like a gone to seed page three girl in front of 44093 which was the Carriage A on the 18:05 Frome service. If anyone would like more photos of Sam, please contact me at the usual address.

Anyway, I can’t remember whose idea it was, but the two of us spent a very pleasurable Friday evening in the town of Hungerford getting the first scans on this year’s @caskmarque Cask Ale Week trail. There’s a free T-Shirt riding on this so it’s all systems go if we both want to avoid another arrest for indecent exposure.

Remember both Samuel and I encourage decidedly reckless drinking at every opportunity.

Alas Monday was much more mundane with the single capture of a Carriage F, 42208, on the 18:30 Weston-Super-Mare service.

Still a capture is a capture, and so is a Cask Marque scan which I bagged at the Bayswater Arms before legging it round to Paddington.

Cheers!

42280 – 18:05 Thursday 25th September

42280

Just the single carriage capture today and that was because the 18:05 to Frome was ready before either the Bristol or Penzance trains so a straight through journey to home seemed the simplest and easiest option. I took a seat in Carriage E, 42280, but before I tell you about the journey home let me fill you in on this morning’s excitement.

I took a seat in my customary Carriage A (sorry, no number) but quickly found that the bloke sat in the window seat was one of the types who believes he has a right to his own seat and half of yours as well. He’s legs were spread only just on the side of decency and the way he was hogging the arm rest made him look like a fat Tudor king on his throne.

By the time we’d reached Theale I was already cursing my luck on choosing this particular seat because Old King Cole wasn’t budging an inch and of course I couldn’t do anything as un-English as move seats of my own accord. The next moment there was a tap on my shoulder which turned out to be one of the Theale boardees who was claiming his reserved seat from me.

So whilst I was in embarrassed shock that I’d made that novice mistake of sitting in a ticketed seat it gave me the ideal excuse to move away from Henry VIII and have a much more comfortable journey into town.

The journey home turned out to be just as comfortable as my travelling partner this time was a delicate young blonde lady who not only asked me if the seat was free before sitting down but didn’t take up any of the arm rest, made no noise at all whilst reading her Kindle and didn’t feel the need to put her knees on either side of the seats in front.

Alas me old mate @cr_rail was having a much worse journey. Ooooo, he was cross!

42347 & 42571 – 18:03 & 18:37 Wednesday 24th September

42347 & 42571

Want some carriage centred excitement?

Well you’ll never guess what? Tonight’s Carriage F, 42347, on the 18:03 to Penzance was in the wrong place! It was between Carriage D and Carriage E and consequently has made me uncomfortable ad itchy for the whole evening!

Just wrong!

Luckily Carriage C, 42571 on the 18:37 to Frome was in the right place, behaving itself.

42272 & 42169 – 18:00 & 18:37 Friday 19th September

42272 & 42169

Oh it was a veritable chuckle-fest on the way home tonight.

The 18:00 Bristol Temple Meads service was a regular seat in 42272 Carriage F but on the 18:37 Frome service whilst stood in the doorway of Carriage B, 42169, FGW’s very own Ollie set me up for what must be a contender for joke of the century.

Oh please yourselves.

42075 & 44101 – 18:03 & 18:37 Tuesday 16th September

42075 & 44101

So there I was thinking that this was going to be another boring old mundane train journey home because although I’d successfully captured two new carriages, namely 42075 (Carriage D on the 18:03 Penzance) and 44101 (Carriage A on the 18:37 Frome) nothing worthy of reporting happened on the actual journeys.

What did happen though is that several hundred First Great Western passengers were inconvenienced by a mad marauding pidgeon tonight. @recklessrik ‘s tweets confirm this.

My suspicions have fallen on @PigeonJon who is well worthy of a follow if you want funny tweets from a pigeon.

And what also happened was then when filling out my Carriage Capture filing system I noted that, unless I’m very much mistaken and hopefully Grant or Ollie will put me right if I am, that Carriage 44101 has the highest number of all HST Carriages, making him the envy of all the other carriages no doubt.

Well I thought it was interesting…….


……you don’t have to read this you know!