44025 – 18:03 Wednesday 11th February

44025

44025 was the Carriage A on the 18:03 to Penzance.

I got to Reading and then spent the next 90 minutes just hanging around the station.

Here’s what I wrote to the lovely folk at FGW tonight.

I was travelling from Paddington to Thatcham on 11-02-15 when I was left stranded at Reading due to signal failures in the Reading West area.

I arrived at Reading at 18:30 and was eventually put in a taxi to Newbury at 20:10. I arrived in Thatcham at 20:40

During the 100 minutes of delay at Reading station I was staggered by the sheer incompetence of the station staff who didn’t seem to be able to organise any sort of consistent message to the hundreds of passengers in similar positions as myself. At one stage we were all directed to the help desk only to find a single member of staff, with a frightened caught in the headlights look in her eyes, who didn’t even know there was a signal failure never mind what was happening.

When the Station Duty Manager turned up 15 minutes later he whispered some garbled message about buses that could only be heard by the first row of the number 200 or 300 hundred people surrounding the desk. The only way to have a chance of finding our what was happening was to trail a member of staff around and listen in to the whispered conversations they were having between themselves.

Eventually we were then directed to the steps down to the short stay car park where I waited on the steps for about 40 minutes with not one shred of communication. When I eventually reached the front of the taxi queue I was amazed to see it being organised by G4S staff and local police with not one member of FGW staff visible.

You are no doubt in the process of claiming your own compensation from Network Rail for the signal failures because in your eyes you will believe this delay was not your fault (although one could accuse you that your inability to work in any sort of a functional way with your partners makes this just as much your fault) but what cannot shrug your shoulder of, is why your staff simply cannot deal with any sort of a crisis situation. All that was needed tonight was someone with a level of confidence to raise their voice so all could hear (maybe stand on the help desk so all could see) and loudly announce what was happening. No-one is expecting magic taxis and buses to be produced from thin air but I do expect to be kept informed of what was happening and a competent level of organisation.

I am an annual gold season ticket holder and would like to know what compensation I am due for the almost 2 hour delay not to mention the atrocious discomfort suffered.

42289 & 40106 – 18:00 Monday 24th November & 18:00 Wednesday 26th November

42289 & 40106

A belated post I know and I can only apologise to my hoards of readers who no doubt were devastated to slog through their working weeks without an update on the good old Carriage Capture.
My excuses are pathetic but to make up for the delay please accept this slightly longer missive which discusses a very important subject and one that might provoke some debate amongst the waiting rooms of the Thames Valley.

So firstly let’s get the boring carriage stuff out the way with and report that I caught the 18:00 Bristol Service on Monday night and sat in 42289 which is a Carriage B. The journey was pretty mundane with no interesting commuting characters to provide any points of interest and it even was more or less on time, if you don’t count the odd couple of minutes here and there, which First Great Western doesn’t.

The final stage of my journey home was aboard a duplicate carriage although there was at least one point of interest……but more of that later.

Similarly on Wednesday I caught the same service but sat in 40106 which is a Carriage F and wrestled the arm rest with a bloke with a pony tail and a pocket watch.

So now you’ve all had the chance to note these numbers down in your little black books of carriage numbers, sit back in your seats (or stand leaning awkwardly against a seat trying not to disturb the snoring bloke in the actual seat) and let’s get on to the main topic!

The main thing I want to tell you is that I got a reply to a recent issue I brought to the attention of FGW’s Customer Service team. Those who follow the amazing, amusing and absolutely pointless @BGCollector Twitter Account may recall a tweet I sent at the end of last week where I commented on how funny (funny strange, not funny funny) it was that the Train Manager on the 18:05 to Frome Service apologised for the overcrowding, mentioned this was due to the train being short-formed but didn’t actually do anything about it, like declassifying First Class for example. This train stops at Twyford, where the masses of Twyfordonians all disembark, limping off up the platform like animals being released from Noah’s Arc, so the declassification would be minimal at most and therefore would be of minimal cost to the mounds of Marky “Smaug” Hopwood’s gold booty.

So after a quick exchange of emails with everyone’s favourite hairy badger, otherwise known as Leo on FGW’s Twitter (@FGW) I decided to log a comment with the FGW Customer Relations goblins who inhabit the Citadel of Desperation somewhere down near Plymouth. I must admit my enquiry was wordy, I mean why use ten words when you can use a hundred and ten, but if you could be bothered to wade your way through the drivel that I wrote you would see it all boiled down to two questions I was asking:

• Wouldn’t it be better if FGW HQ issued a directive to all Train Manager’s as to the circumstances when they should declassify first?
• If not, and they want to keep the power to declassify with the TMs, why did this particular TM feel it ok to apologise but not to declassify? I mean what’s the point of having the power if you’re never going to use it.

Well on Monday I got a lengthy reply back from a very prettily named goblin and less I be accused of putting words in her pretty little mouth I bring to you here, in full, the reply she sent to me.

Thank you for your email received 19 November 2014 regarding your journey from London Paddington to Frome on the same date.

I’m very sorry to learn of your uncomfortable journey and I understand your frustration at having to stand in crowded conditions when there may be seats available in First Class. 

I understand the 18:05 service was short formed and can confirm this after checking our records. We hadn’t planned this change in advance and therefore had no opportunity to let passengers know and not enough time to arrange for replacement carriages. This sort of incident has greatly reduced in recent years due to all the work we’ve done to improve our rolling stock but we can’t prevent it completely and I do appreciate how frustrating it can be.

We trust our Train Managers to make the correct decision in these circumstances. Safety is our number one priority and we would never operate a train that we felt put our passengers and staff at risk. The role of our train crew is safety-critical. They know how to monitor and manage passenger loadings, and they will take action if they feel it is necessary. This is not however dependent on a set number of seated or standing passengers as the Health and Safety Executive guidelines do not restrict the number of passengers allowed on any one train.

Where possible we must always try to avoid declassifying our services, due to the fact that we advertise a First Class service and therefore endeavour to retain it. The option is available to the Train Manager as an absolute last resort but is only enforced in extreme circumstances where it is otherwise unavoidable.

Please be assured I have logged your comments regarding this and they may be used in our next monthly review.

Thank you once again for contacting me. I hope any future journeys with us are much more enjoyable.

Yours sincerely

Miss Pretty Goblin
Customer Services Advisor

Now firstly I want to make it clear that I greatly appreciate the answer and I make the comment that it took just 3 working days to actually receive the response, which measured against previous FGW performance in this area is pretty damn smoking, so credit where it’s begrudgingly due, well done FGW for this.

But that said (and of course there’s a “that said”) none of the explanation actually addresses the points I was after. Let’s leave aside her claims that short formed trains are a rarity due to “all the work we’ve done to improve our rolling stock” which I’m sorry to say just isn’t true and also not make any judgement on the exciting prospect that my comments “may be used in our next monthly review” but we have to address the fact that it seems FGW are simply unwilling to declassify First Class.

I’m also still puzzled over the weasel words with reference to over-crowding. Whenever any loyal paying passengers takes FGW to task over over-crowded conditions on the network the first response that seems to come back is one along the lines of “there are no limits to the number of people we’re allowed to cram into one of our delightful 1970s rolling stock so stop your yapping people!” yet here they seem to be saying that safety is the number one priority and that “The role of our train crew is safety-critical. They know how to monitor and manage passenger loadings, and they will take action if they feel it is necessary” yet they somehow feel a passenger is no safer sat down than if they are straddling the joints of two carriages with their buttocks being squeezed by that really horrible rubbery bit? I mean can this really be true? Has anyone any actual facts to back these claims up? I know the railway apologists will soon be out, if they bother to read this pap, saying how it’s just as safe to be slammed up against the toilet door with a Brompton pedal imprinting into your nose as it is to be sharing a table seat with Carol Decker from T’Pau (did you know she’s touring again soon?) and they’ll probably also remind me in the first place that I should just be grateful that FGW are good enough to allow me to move freely around the country without informing the land-owner of my manor……..but they can’t never seem to actually prove this point with any evidence when challenged.

But even then the safety point can also be left aside and it still leaves me unable to fathom out why FGW just won’t take positive action for the benefit of their passengers especially when it means a cost to their profits, because I can think of no other reason why they wouldn’t want to do this. “We must always try to avoid declassifying our services, due to the fact that we advertise a First Class service and therefore endeavour to retain it” says Miss Goblin, but nowhere in that statement does it address the “why” part of the original question.

And if you’ll allow me just one more final head-scratching moment, let’s leave the declassifying point behind because there is the element of compensation and cost here, why won’t they do the free stuff that would make such a difference to the journeys of so many passengers. The great refurbishment program, converting First Class Carriages to Standard Class ones, which they love to trumpet about, singing from the rooftops as part of their “Greater Western” promotion (just remember kids, it’s the Department of Transport who’s paying for this not lovely Marky Mark dipping his very short arms into his very long pockets) could be introduced overnight by slapping a couple of stickers on the coaches up for refurbishment. Introduce these First Class carriages with their lovely comfy seats as Standard ones and hey presto, more people sat down for the duration of their journeys. Sure this will mean that some lucky sods get a more comfortable journey than usual for a while as the carriages rotate through the actual refurbishment process, but is this such a bad thing? And if you’re worried that it will piss off the First Classers too much then stick the carriages at the other end of the train and don’t go within a country mile of it with the complimentary trolley.

This on-going question of declassifying First Class has even come to the attention of Reading MP Alok Sharma (@AlokSharma_RDG) but if this is the sort of answer FGW are going to come back with if and when he challenges them about it, he’s going to need all his very best politician direct answering skills (I’m very glad you asked me that question but of course the real point is <insert question you actually want to answer>) to get anything useful from them.

Unfortunately Alok isn’t my own MP so I can’t really badger him for progress on this point. My MP is the supposed richest one in parliament, a certain Richard Benyon (@RichardBenyonMP), so we’ve obviously got stacks in common and you can often catch us chatting on the Turbo back to Theale although strangely he never seems to want to travel as far as Thatcham…….

So there you have it, in short it seems to be a statement of “We could do something about it, but we won’t.” Just think of all the time you could have saved if you’d jumped to this line instead of reading all the piffle beforehand?

And finally, let’s wrap up with the exciting carriage news that happened on Monday!

Here’s a dachshund travelling on the 18:05 to Frome! Wasn’t that worth the wait Grant!

All complaints to the usual address where they will be promptly ignored.

42035, 42197 & 40113 – 18:15, 18:03 & 18:37 Tuesday 2nd September & Wednesday 3rd September

 42035, 42197 & 40113

Yesterday was boring, even by the sleepy levels of this blog, with a single carriage captured on a slightly later than normal train, the 18:15 to Swansea. But 42035, a Carriage B, still got me to Reading in time for a sneaky Snickers in the waiting room.

Tonight was much, much more exciting when the 18:03, Penzance service saw me inside a re-badged Carriage F, otherwise known as 42197.

We were just about to leave on a very pleasant late summer’s evening when a portly chap in a zipped up puffa jacket asked if he could take the seat next to me. He then spent the next ½ hour in a constant round of wheezing, mopping his brow with his baseball cap and playing World of Warcraft on his laptop and never once did it occur to him to take off his jacket.

Ah well, each unto their own.

The 18:37 to Frome saw me aboard another Carriage F, 40113, and the weather was still so pleasant I stood by the open window in the vestibule and even managed to take a selfie complete with carriage number. 

Orderly queue ladies, orderly queue............

42288 23:30 Wednesday 9th July

42288

 

 

 

It was another morning train in reverse formation which makes the obtaining of the picture all the more difficult every time it happens. I just can’t risk life and limb being crushed under the stampeding hordes as they dash for the exits or find myself pinioned against the cycle racks at Paddington.

I did make a vague effort to video the number as I sailed past but the results were less than impressive and best consigned to the bin.

The return journey was also less than impressive.

Paddington to Reading was fine, albeit rather tired and sleepy as the Oranges and Lemons tour has been reinvigorated and there I was catching the last train home in what they call a tired and emotional state. The 23:30 to Bristol Temple Meads service was almost empty and Carriage B, 42288, provided a comfortable setting for half the journey home.

The second half though wasn’t as brilliant though as it was a replacement bus service which was leaving from “the north exit” as the PA system repeatedly squawked to all and sundry. Now I’ve been sailing through Reading Station for just over 3 years now on a daily basis and I’ve never heard any of the exits being referred to by any of the cardinal directions, never mind “north”, “west” or even “south by south-east”.

I went to the bus stop outside the front of the station, which is where every rail replacement bus since time began has left from but I think David Attenborough discovered more life in some African desert than there was here. I did bump into one smartly dishevelled man who was looking as lost as I felt and we soon established ourselves as kindred spirits trying to find out where this bus was.
We searched desperately for someone to ask but the station concourse was bereft of any FGW staff and apart from the Network Rail engineers and the girls in Tutti Fruitti coffee shop, who were both asked, we were no nearer locating the bus and as the persistent PA announcements were declaring, the bus was going to depart any minute.

A lack of options saw us sprinting across the bridge to the new exit (yes, apparently, this IS the “north exit”) and just about make it onto the departing bus by the skin of our joint teeth.
Quite why there either wasn’t a person directing people to this obviously well known “north exit” or at the very least a big sign with a helpful arrow I still can’t work out, but no doubt this saved Marky Mark part of someone’s wage or the cost of some marker pens so it’s all good?

Just as a friendly Post Script, my newly found lost friend turned out to be a lawyer and possibly the poshest person I’ve ever spoken to. And I don’t mean anything negative in that at all. He was witty and amusing and very complimentary to my blue trousers and yellow shoes, it was like chatting to an intelligent version of Tim Nice-But-Dim.

42516 – 18:37 Monday 19th May

42516

……until disembarkation at Reading revealed that my connecting service, the 18:37 Frome Service was delayed due to a fault with the train.

Now, again, let no one ever accuse me of moaning about anything but the truth and the first thing I have to state here is that it’s been a long long long while since I’ve suffered any sort of delay at all. So perhaps all things told, I was due a disruption and have no real grounds for a moan.

This particular delay turned out to be about 40 minutes which is a bit of a kick in the goolies in anyone’s book, especially @emily1780 ‘s who tweeted in to ask whether any compensation was due. Moody Max eventually deemed this worthy of a reply and confirmed that yes, indeed compensation was due for delays over 30 minutes that were due to mechanical failure.

Full well knowing what the answer would be to the question, I then asked Max if this level of compensation would be applicable to everyone. The answer to those unfamiliar to FGW compensation rules is that season ticket holders don’t get the same compensation as other passengers and this is the one thing that drives me further round the bend than anything else FGW throws at me. And what drives me that one bit further up the road that is round the bend is that no matter how much I carp, complain and cry into my pillow about this, FGW doesn’t seem to understand why it makes my blood.

I gave Moody Max an opportunity to tell us what he really thought about this but he rather (and perhaps understandably) bottled the question. Still perhaps this was all slightly too trivial as FGW were busy getting people stranded at remote train stations.

Ho hum…..roll on tomorrow.

44067 – 06:57 Thursday 15th May

44067

The same regular morning train is still throwing up new and unexplored Carriage A’s for the Carriage Capture project and 44067 just became the next victim of the BGC.

There was nothing to report and everything was going nice and very much to order until the unruly Reading lot got on at, well, at Reading. As the ugly hoards staggered their way up the aisle, one mardy bugger who was obviously not having the best of mornings was heard to mutter “Fuckin’ hell!” as it looked like all the seats would be taken before he would have a chance to park his backside in a free spot.

This in itself would be a small and forgettable occurrence but for the fact minutes after the event I spotted this tweet from one of the regular commuting tweeters who I follow, @cr_rail

This could only mean one thing and I’m sure you’ve already figured it quicker than me, that somewhere in this carriage was someone I had only previously known by avatar and moaning tweets.

Before you could say cheesy Hollywood rom-com you had Jess from FGW chipping in recreating her own version of Brief Encounter and getting all gushing about the fact we were in the same carriage!

Now what’s the problem with all of this I hear all you non-commuting readers ask? (Yeah, like there are any non-commuting readers………(Yeah, like there any readers at all!)) Well it’s a funny thing but the possibility of “train friends” isn’t necessarily something I’m comfortable with and I get the impression from other tweeting commuters that they feel the same. It’s a much often repeated cliché that the British travel on busses, trains and tubes and never utter a word to each other and it’s true, we don’t, but the reason this has become a staple topic of stand-up comedians everywhere is because we actually prefer it that way. We love our bubbles of silence and our little worlds of mental self-delusion and we’ll protect and defend them to the hilt.

Luckily it would see that Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss @cr_rail feels the same and we both rejected Jess’s suggestion to perform a synchronised wave so we could identify each other. And anyway, after all, it’s much more fun trying to work out who it might be secretly!

So…..is it young-beany-hat-over-the-eye-snooze-guy? Or ginger-kindle-fiend? Surely not Ms-stupid-look-at-me-cough who I had to sit next to yesterday? You’re not Mr “Not that one!” Williams are you?

42014 – 22:45 Wednesday 14th May

42014

Another late night train after another late night but none the less entertaining Oranges and Lemons tour where the BGC leads unsuspecting and unwilling office workers around East End churches and more importantly, East End pubs.

The dirty details of the tour can be found on the O&Ls blog but the all I can really say about the train journey home was that it was made just about bearable by the double Upper Crust #baguettes especially as I ended up in Carriage B on the 22:45 Swansea service surrounded by a returning rugby team.

Mind you compared to the cast of the Jeremy Kyle show who were waiting for me at Reading station the rugger lads were extremely well behaved. I really won’t go into the “effing” and “jeffing” on the platform in case anyone of a sensitive disposition is reading this but it culminated with a full on bitch-slap fight on the last train to Newbury.

Ah……the joys of the commute.

40104 – 18:37 Wednesday 7th May

40104

As good old Victor Meldrew might have exclaimed, “I don’t bloody believe it!” – Tonight I leapt about the 17:49 Worcester Service and immediately sat down in Carriage E, 42055, and it only goes and turns out that I’ve already been in this carriage!

What makes this even more annoying is that the journey to Reading was interesting enough to have a couple of stories to tell. Well I say interesting, what I really mean is annoying as the first thing that greeted me was the same bloody chap as a couple of days ago speaking to his kids on the phone. This time though it wasn’t a rehash of what the little brat had had for tea but rather a quick run through of today’s homework…..”and how many trees did you have to draw? Mmm, and did you do them neatly?”…..as I say, you can’t fault his commitment but I wish he’d do it before he leaves work or from the privacy of the toilet.

Then I ended up sitting next to little Miss First Big Job who immediately rang a friend as soon as she sat down to have a good old moan about her day at work….”and then it was like, and I was like, so she was all like and I mean no-one was like, so it was all like that in the end.” On and on and on and on and on, until I wished I’d bought shares in the word “like”. 

And then of course she entered cliché phase, “and so I was like to Alisha (yes of course, she couldn’t just be Emma could she) and she was like back to me, but Lissy (quite, it wouldn’t be Claire would it) you’re so not like that. I think I need to work in a place like a university and not like a secondary school.”

Why not try working in a place like a workplace! ARRRRGGGHH.

It was about this time I received a tweet from lovely Jo who had just checked in to tell me that apparently whilst Rachel from marketing is young and attractive, she doesn’t use self-tan. So that’s me told! And whilst on the medium of the tweet I spotted this from @_Funnynames_ which had me wetting myself……much to Lissy’s disgust as it disturbed her moaning…….like.

It was quite a relief to get to Reading and swap to the Frome Service and Carriage 40104 which is a Carriage F and my very first of this type of carriage. Obviously it was one of those ones with ½ Standard Class and ½ buffet rather than ½ 1st Class and ½ buffet which raises the question as to how on earth I’m going to capture the 1st Class Carriages……….answers on a postcard to the usual address.

44074 – 06:57 Tuesday 6th May

44074

A lovely long sunny bank holiday might do wonders for the soul and for the niggling DIY jobs that have been put off for the last six months, but it doesn’t do so much for progress on the Carriage Capture. Nor does a duplicate carriage on Friday evening which meant it wasn’t until this morning with Carriage A on the 06:57 that I was able to get things going again with 44074 captured and safely put in the bag.

There was nothing to report on the journey apart from my neighbour’s thigh pressing into mine which wouldn’t be a problem apart from the fact that he had a beard and hissing headphones, but what is to report is the twitter spat I allowed myself to be foolishly dragged into yesterday evening. Perhaps it was watching Ronnie O’Sullivan allow the chance of a 6th World Title slip from his grasp that had made me so peevish or perhaps it was just spotting this self-pitying tweet from @FGW:

Don't you understand? It's not us, it's all your fault!

Now I know that the limit of 140 characters isn't exactly the ideal basis for getting across nuanced points but there really is a list of things that the FGW should never try to do on the medium of tweet (for details of this list please leave a comment on the blog) and unfortunately Grant’s no doubt well intentioned message here just came across as a pathetically winging comment that seems to suggest that any lack of improvement in the service is the passenger’s fault.

The fact is however that I have fedback service improvement suggestions to FGW on more than one occasion but have so far never received any sort of reply or acknowledgement from a manager with responsibilities in that particular area of the business. I have had recognition of receipt of my emails and I have had further discussion on these points with members of the communications team but as for having some sort of tip of the hat in my direction from someone from the upper echelons……..well as I say, their stove-pipe top hats are staying firmly attached to their heads.

Now the phrase “Service Improvement” is a curious one in itself because in the three years I’ve been a constant commuter, I have seen not one single improvement. That’s not to say of course there hasn’t been good service, there has been, plenty of it in fact but things don’t actually get any better. Service levels seem to be strangely circular with period of months with no issues whatsoever followed by a similar period where everything seems to fall apart at the seams. But none of this has anything to do with “service improvement”; there aren’t more trains, the fares haven’t gone down, there’s no new facilities, there’s no new choices. The standard of an average journey is the same as it was in, in my case anyway, 2011. Now I’m sure if FGW were directly challenged on this they would quote the new Reading Station or the plans for the roll out of WiFi (really? Wifi by 2014? That’s nothing to be proud of….) but all of this is either the work or investment of other partners or too little a lot lot lot too late. If I'm wrong here of course, let me know......tell me of the extra services, tell me of the new trains that run all night, explain how my season ticket also enables me to a free coffee, go into detail about the new seats with extra room, wax lyrical about the new ticket offices and their extended opening hours, sing from the rooftops about the additional work with your partners which has seen a decrease in the percentage of infrastructure failures........my ears, unlike the door to Marky Mark's inbox, always open.

Anyway to cut a long and drawn out twitter conversation short, what’s happened now is that I have emailed a couple of service improvement suggestions to Grant directly and he has promised to chase these up and ensure that I do get a response from someone appropriate. (Not that Grant himself has as yet acknowledged the mail yet, which is curious considering one of the points here is the subject of acknowledgement….) So the clock is ticking Grant and if anyone wants to follow my progress on this mission the hashtag you’ll need is #NotJasonNess 

42204 – 22:45 Thursday 1st May

42204

It was a late night journey home for a tired and emotional BGC after another classic Oranges and Lemons tour of the watering holes near to Barbican. The 22:45 Swansea service was my chosen chariot home and I managed to get a double seat and spent the next 30 minutes slumped next to the window in Carriage B talking to myself.

The only factors that got me through the wait at the building site hellhole that is Reading Station until the last Newbury bound Turbo was a very fine cappuccino from the finest coffee shop this side the Urals, Tutti Frutti and spotting these two fashion assassins who only have themselves to blame for getting tweeted.

42093 – 18:37 Monday 28th April

42093

Good old Sir Peter Parker, now pulling the Frome service (and carriage 44097), rumbled into Platform 7 at Reading dead on time and all that was left for me to do was clamber aboard Carriage C, or 42093 as his friends like to call him.

Other than a group of work colleagues, obviously off on a course (possibly at the Scottish and Southern Electric centre) who thought it was hilarious to be getting off at Thatcham (eh?) I could have done this journey in my sleep. Perhaps I did?

42291 – 17:49 Monday 28th April

42291

It was a slow old start to the week in terms of the Carriage Capture. My morning train, from which I just cannot deviate from my regular Carriage A turned out to be the very first duplicate of the project. 44097 was already in the bag from last Wednesday so I had to wait until this evening to get my first victim of the day.

The 17:49 Worcester Shrub Hill service fitted the bill nicely and my timely arrival at Paddington gave me more than enough time to secure a comfortable window seat in Carriage D, which also went by the name of 42291.

Just before we left I noted the train pulling into Platform 10, guessing that this would form the Frome service which I would be picking up at Reading. It was being pushed by Sir Peter Parker, someone my dad never forgave for subjecting our family to an appalling railway journey from Coventry to Kidwelly. But that’s another story. Still, Sir Peter’s Wikipedia article has a very nice section on the train that is named in his honour.

But more interesting that Sir Peter Parker was noting that Carriage A on this train was none other than 44097 again. What are the chances of that happening? (Actually probably both calculable and predictable, but c’mon, I’m being sad enough already doing this aren't I?)

42308 – 18:00 Friday 25rd April

42308

Right, I’ll admit it. I was completely, utterly, totally and 100% wrong in one of my last posts. I unreservedly apologise to anyone and everyone, anywhere and everywhere, alive or dead and will never make another generalisation again……(yeah right!)

As I jauntily bounced into Paddington tonight I realised that I’d not yet got a Carriage D for the Carriage Capture. Noting that the 18:00 Bristol Temple Meads service had just been called, some 10 minutes before departure, I therefore thought the chances of me getting a seat in this popular carriage were pretty good. And they were, after a quick snap of 42308 I slotted into a window seat and made myself comfortable, by immediately turning off the VOLO entertainment system.

Still, any chance of peace and quiet was firstly dashed by the bloke speaking to his child about their dinner time, “And what did you have for dinner? Oooh, chicken nuggets, how lovely. Yum Yum.” I mean he could have been speaking to his wife I guess but FFS mate, have a bit of dignity in public can’t you? 

And then some business woman kicked off, ordering her underlings around at gone six in the evening. But by far the worse was the effeminate chap who firstly had a long and extremely tedious conversation with his mother about pizza, “Well, how many are we? I reckon 3 or 4 then? Well I don’t care (yes you do else you wouldn't be rabbiting on about it) but make sure I get a chicken fajita one. Well I don’t mind (yes you do, because you’re making sure the whole carriage knows) but I’ll be there at 7 so get them to deliver at ¼ past……blah blah blah” but as soon as he was done, he then phoned his girlfriend and went through the exact same conversation, “well I’ve told mum to get pizza, well I don’t mind as long as I get chicken fajita……..”

And then just when you thought he was finally going to shut up, the girlfriend rang back as she needed directions to the station to pick Little Lord Fauntleroy up. Our hero then proceeded to give a blow by blow set of instructions that would have put Google Maps to shame.

By the time I got to Reading my ears were bleeding and I had vowed never to enter Carriage D for a long long time. Luckily the very amusing @FGWruinlives posted the funniest thing I've seen in ages and cheered me up no end.

44076 – 06:57 Friday 25rd April

44076

Friday, Friday, so good that day, especially for the trains as all the fair-weather workers have started their long weekends and consequently aren't taking up any precious space in the carriages with their wheelie suitcases, folding Bromptons and rucksacks. Staying true to my mantra of it can only ever be Carriage A for my morning journey I was at first dismayed when capturing the number of 44076 at Paddington as this seemed very familiar and I at first suspected that I had claimed my first duplicate number. But serendipity was with me and a quick check of the blog shows that whilst I have travelled on a couple of carriages in the 440xx series, 44076 is a nice new victim to add to the list.

It should have been an excellent journey as the reduction in travelling numbers had resulted in a double seat and a window berth for yours truly even after stops at Theale (PAH!) and Reading. (I can thoroughly recommend a massive moustache for keeping people away.) But alas I have to report that a weasely phone user disturbed the silent nirvana not only with a ridiculous ring tone but also a lengthy conversation. Well, I say lengthy conversation but what made this disturbance all the more annoying was the fact the bloke in the carriage was certainly the passive participant in the conversation as all he was required to do was say “Yeah….” at suitable pauses so it would have seemed really churlish to approach the man and ask him to shut up. But (and this is the final but) he was winning no fans at all by making each one of these “yeah…” s as annoying as possible by yawning as he said it, or lengthening it to a stupid “yeeeeeaaaaaaaaah” or even doing it in a variety of daft accents.

Anyway, the lovely Jo of @FGW Twitter fame will now be able to enjoy her mid-morning frothy latte all the better now that not only does she know what the heck I’m going on about but also knows that I didn't already have 44076 in the stamp album…….Yeeeeeaaaah!

42293 – 18:15 Thursday 24th April

42293

My arrival at Paddington this evening was somewhat delayed due to a work’s “celebration” where my hard work was literally repaid in peanuts………less said about that, the better.

So thanks to my business enforced tardiness it meant that I’d missed the usual Frome service and had to instead take a train I’d never taken before, namely the 18:15 service to Swansea. Carriage B was my chosen carriage and I made it into the last unreserved seat before the poor late comers had to start standing in the aisle. Just remember kids, your ticket is for the journey, not for a seat.

Disembarkation at Reading showed that the front power car on this particular journey was courtesy of Didcot Railway Centre which is none other than @slowpokesam ‘s favourite wagon. Quite why it’s his favourite he’s never explained, but in tribute to this childlike obsession with choo-choo trains, here’s a picture of it. I mean it’s not like you’d ever catch me logging numbers in a book is it.

The later journey also meant a horrible stupid Turbo from Reading to Thatcham and therefore no third number for the day. 

Stupid Turbos.

42081 – 18:37 Wednesday 23nd April

42081

Well it all kicked off as I waited for the Frome service on Platform 7 at Reading.

The tweets were flowing in, the platform boards were flashing around, the best website in the world realtimetrains.co.uk was updating faster than the speed of html and the message that was being received was that there was a signalling problem at Hayes!

After I’d picked myself up from the floor and sent the obligatory sarcastic tweet to FGW it turned out that services didn't seem to be affected at all and certainly trains were running out of London quite normally.

This was very good news not least because I wouldn’t be late for the West Berkshire CAMRA Community Pub of the Year presentation for 2014. So it’s congratulations to the Tally Ho! of Hungerford Newtown and congratulations to Carriage 42081, the first Carriage C of the Carriage Capture.

Now try drinking 3 pints of ale on a school night and say that 10 times.

44022 – 06:57 Wednesday 23rd April

44022

First Great Western isn’t giving me much material to work with here. For at least the past 2-3 weeks all my trains have been running on time (give or take the odd minute or two) and I haven’t experienced a dreaded cancellation for quite a while.

Even my travelling companions are behaving themselves, well as much as a carriage full of shaved chimps can do anyway. Today’s victim kept himself to himself and apart from the tinny hiss of his headphones he slept the whole way into London, the only noise being a surprised grunt when he was woken for a ticket check.

The only other disturbance was someone kicking off when they were kicked off (see what I did there?) at Reading after they’d got caught using an off-peak ticket. “But it was the one they sold me at the office mate” wailed the unfortunate fare dodger, although he soon ditched the blame-it-on-the-ticket-office routine and settled instead for the tried and tested effing-and-jeffing-swearing-his-head off methodology.

This punctual commuting is all very well, but it’s not very amusing. I had to relieve the boredom this morning with this pithy comment on the state of Thatcham Station from @3rdRateWestern

It must have been my new aftershave. HA!

42283 – 18:37 Tuesday 22nd April

After a short stand on Platform 7 – new benches have been installed but no-one is allowed to sit down yet – and watching some geezer do an Ivor the Engine impression with an e-Cigarette, I boarded the “Prince Michael of Kent” who was personally pulling the Frome service this evening. Good on you Mike but you were still 5 minutes late into Thatcham.

Carriage B was nice and empty and I didn’t have to employ any dirty seat grabbing tactics to secure a double berth for the short journey.

Nothing else happened on this journey. Sorry, I can’t even make something up……………have some extra photos instead.

<Gandalf> You Shall Not Sit! </Gandalf>

  Prince Michael of Kent taking a breather at Thatcham. I bet the real one has never done that.

42055 – 17:49 Tuesday 22nd April

It’s my return journey that by far offers the most opportunities for Carriage Captures as I think I won’t be able to bring myself to deviate from my beloved Carriage A on the morning London bound journeys. My method for getting back to the homestead involves getting to Paddington as quickly as the cursed Circle Line will let me and then jumping on the first train leaving in a westward direction as by and large they all stop at Reading. Once at Reading, if I’m running early I can get a stopping Turbo to Thatcham or if running late I can meet the 18:05 Frome service.

The advantage to this tried and tested method is that if everything goes wrong I’m at least a good mileage nearer to home but on the other hand the obvious risk is when the service I’m using to get to Reading goes kaput and I’m overtaken by the Frome train with all the other Thatcham warriors pulling moonies at me as they thunder past.

Tonight I was just in time to leap gracefully about the 17:49 service to Worcester Shrub Hill and as it was in reverse formation I somehow ended up in Carriage E. There some spare seats despite the habitual “vestibule-standers” even if I did have to ask an “aisle sitter” if I could squeeze my lithe body through to the window seat.

Now let me make one thing quite quite crystal clear here. Anyone who chooses to sit in a aisle seat whilst keeping the window seat free is a twat. They are only hoping that no-one will be brave enough to ask them to move and the result will be they’ll end up with both seats to luxuriate in and not have some sweaty fleshy mountain fighting over the arm rest. Excuses of “long legs” or “getting off at the 1st stop” whilst not necessarily fabrications are just excuses and anyone with a jot of honesty would admit that they are all just part of a double-seat hopeful ploy. Don’t get me wrong, there are different levels of “aisle sitters”, pretty obviously someone with their bag on the window seat, headphones on so they can pretend not to hear you and then huffing and puffing when you have the temerity to ask them to move are much much worse (i.e. King or Queen Twat) than someone who immediately gets up with a smile on their face, (baby-boo-boo twat) but make no mistake, they are all cut from the same cloth.

This particular aisle sitter got up willingly enough (a sort of toddler twat) but he hadn’t put the arm rest down which meant we had far far too much neighbourly bodily contact for my liking but maybe I’ll go into this in more details in a later episode.

The only other thing of note on this particular journey was the Train Manager (TM), who seemed to think that he was the starring DJ on Fab FM as every announcement was performed with a faux American slur and worse pauses and running words into one another than the great tit of the news, Robert Peston. So we didn’t have “security” we had “secuuuridy”, we didn’t have “authortity” we had “authooridy”, and we didn’t stop at Maidenhead, we stopped at May-den-ed.

That said, we did arrive on time, so…….Let’s Rock!