42245 & 42070 – 18:03 & 18:37 Wednesday 1st October

42245 & 42070

Just when you thought you had all the possible excitement that the Carriage Capture could possibly deliver, along comes a journey that fair takes your breath away……or maybe not, but at least “something” happened today.

Firstly though, it was a very mundane 18:03 Penzance service that took me from Paddington to Reading in Carriage E, aka 42245. The only thing of note here was another arm rest-hogger who compounded his oafishness by playing Candy Crush for the whole journey like some sulky adolescent Kevin.

Pouting lips when all you can’t do is line up three cherries isn’t a good look mate.

I then changed at Reading for my regular late Frome service and plonked myself down in a very innocent looking Carriage D, aka 42070.

It was just when we left Theale that I heard raised voices in the vestibule and from the bits of conversation I could pick up it seemed that the Train Manager was having a go at a passenger who had tried to leave at Theale but had found that the doors were already locked.

“Well I ain’t paying for a ticket to Thatcham then” said the failed disembarkee to which the TM retorted with some excuse about having already given the signal to the driver to leave.

But obviously this got the TM’s goat somewhat riled as he then stomped into our carriage and demanded to see all tickets. (And it was a “demand” there wasn’t any “asking” about it.)

Now this is very strange. I get my ticket checked every day, usually in the mornings just when I’ve fallen asleep but I’ve never seen a ticket check be carried out 3 minutes from Thatcham and never seen one carried out with such ill grace by such an obviously annoyed TM.

So as we’re all digging into inside pockets and purses for the vital bits of paper, a lady comes walking up the aisle to get to a door ready to leave. She is no doubt absolutely kicking herself now by choosing to come this way as the TM blocked her and demanded her ticket as well.

Well you know what’s going to happen next don’t you. She only had a Reading travel card and Mr Charming decided that this was good enough to not only charge her for a ticket but to also slap on a penalty fare as well. £24 for Reading to Thatcham, a bargain of 10 miles in anyone’s book.

Now look, let me be very clear here. I’m no fan of fare dodgers and I have nothing against TM’s checking tickets or even the Revenue Protection goons which FGW position at the barriers every now and again – although why the pick the most miserable sour faced prunes for this job I don’t know why – but there is a thing called discretion and also a thing called manners and as it became clear from the lady’s story (her car had broken down and she’d found herself stranded in Reading) this was more of an oversight than a deliberate go at fare dodging. Yes, she should of course have bought a ticket, but instead of helping her on what had already been probably a very shitty day, or at least playing fair (fare – geddit!) with her by just charging for a single ticket, the TM was just on autopilot to make an example of the lady and raise some more profits for the FGW shareholders.

The stand off ended when the TM, who had now captured the lady’s travel card and refused to return it, barged past the rest of us who by now were queuing up to leave at Thatcham, yelling how he was “going to make a report” and how he had “every right to keep this travel card”.

Now I don’t know if the lady will make a complaint. I would guess not seeing as, at the end of the day, she was in the wrong and probably knows she’ll get no change out of the wonderful FGW 3 week turnaround complaints system, but I on the other hand certainly will be.

Because whether or not someone has paid or not, they deserve to be treated with dignity, politeness and fairness. Something the majority of the TMs do do, let me again be clear on that point, but for Patrick, (for that was his name) to be so obviously acting only according to his annoyed mood and desperate to “win” the stand off to act in this way was just not right.

Oh, and Patrick, in the unlikely event you read this……saying “madam” to someone does not equal politeness. I’m sure your mum would agree.

44042 & 42217 – 18:05 & 17:49 Monday 4th August & Tuesday 5th August

44042 & 42217

So, did you think I’d packed my bags and gone away? Well no such luck suckers! Even the great BGC is allowed a couple of days off from looking like a spotter-nerd and ignoring the numbers printed on the side of FGW’s rolling stock.

But it’s back in the saddle today with a double-bagger of last night’s 17:05 to Frome where I sat in a reverse formation Carriage A called 44042 – more of that later - and tonight where the 17:49 Worcester Service brought me as far as Reading inside 42217, which was a Carriage C.

So what was the news from the 4402 – Well the eagle-eyed amongst you will have noticed that of course any Carriage A should be a “quiet carriage” and here we might as well stop and consider the word “should”.
I think I’ve mentioned before that in the mornings I only limit myself to Carriage A’s because I simply can not face the noise levels of the other carriages first thing in the mornings and at this time of day, by and large, Carriage A does live up to its quiet billing and is an oasis of rustling newspapers and the gentle clearing of throats.

Later in the day though it can become a real case of hit and miss, sometimes the carriage remains fairly quiet but at others it can be party central and you’d have a quieter journey sticking your head out the window at full speed – don’t try that at home kids.

But what grinds my gears is that the majority of people go in the quiet carriage to deliberately be exactly that, quiet, but there is a certain set of people who simply don’t believe this sentiment applies to them. It’s not the silent carriage so of course there is always a certain level of noise and I would never shush and tut at someone who is making a low level of noise and I even give the phone call makers the benefit of the doubt just to see if it’s just a very quick “I’m on the train” call.

But last night’s offender was in full chat mode with not one but two calls that spanned right through the Train Manager’s welcoming speech and with no sense of irony this blathering pest chatted right through the request to keep noise down in Carriage A.

I gave her 5 minutes and then politely (yes, honestly, it was polite) said “excuse me, it is the quiet carriage.”

The shrew faced harridan then said to her phone callee “I’m going to have to go, I’m being shouted at.” She hung up and then said “You are so rude!”

Not wishing to prolong any sort of disruption for the benefit of the others I didn’t react but just in case there’s a wild chance the prune mouthed witch-woman is reading……you think that was rude? Well, honey, you ain’t seen nothing yet………you mardy arsed bitch-cow-bag, I fucking hate you. And just so we’re crystal clear, your husband fucking hates you cause you make him use a penis beaker and still deny him anal after 10 years of a soulless, empty marriage; your kids hate you cause you’re a nagging siren who cares more about tidy bedrooms than pillow fights and fun; the whole fucking carriage fucking hates you cause you hog the armrests and you have the BO of a camel in heat; oh, and I fucking hate you as well. Bitch.

40755 & 42145 – 18:05 Wednesday 23rd July

40755 & 42145

Are you reading this FGW? Well yes they were and at least Ollie, ever the gentleman, seemed to recognise the debacle of yesterday’s journey.

This morning was another duplicate, even though I risked the wrath of a gazillion and seven disembarking passengers and managed to get an action shot as I stumbled out of the door.

This evening though was another roister-doister of an exciting evening as when I arrived at Paddington, thinking I would be too late for the 18:05 Frome Service, I was delighted to see it still stuck at Platform 10 as if waiting for my grand entrance.

I made a less than grand entrance into the 1st class carriages and found myself amongst the cast of the Uruk-hai as we all struggled for space in the vestibules. Seeing that it was pointless in trying to get a seat, I settled for the next best thing, a standing position in Carriage K which meant that my second 1st class carriage, 40755 went into the book.

I have to say that the Train Manager was doing a sterling job is carrying stacks and stacks of bottled water around, giving them out to the sweltering orc hordes. I tried to catch her name badge so I can give her full credit in the blog but could only make the end of the name, so it was either Jenny, or Benny, or even Lenny…….?

Once we’d let off most of the goblins at Twyford I made my way into Carriage B, 42145 and slumped into a free space for the rest of the journey. It was here when the TM made the announcement when we left Reading that it turned out her name was Denny.

So Denny, many many thanks for the water and just make sure you don’t wash your red undies with your FGW white blouse next time. The pinkish tinge quite suited you though.

Oh, and if you're wondering whether there was another debacle tonight, all I know is that when we left Paddington (10 minutes late) Platforms 4 & 5 were both suffering signal problems......Are you reading.....oh never mind......

Bonus Post - Ooooh Mr BGC, you're really spoiling us

Quick bonus post here because although I was aboard the 21:15 Swansea Service, which was my faithful stead home on Friday, I ended up in Carriage B, 42283, which it turns out I'd been in before. So alas no further captures for the project.

But it was an interesting journey, one because the carriage was full of livestock!

Hoggy-Weasel

Firstly we had this selfish cow who thought that her collection of bags much more worthy than anyone who had actually paid for the ticket. Why FGW never address this issue I really don't know, the Train Manager who checked this woman's ticket didn't mention a dicky bird.

And secondly we had this little fella, who was much better behaved that the gaggle of women, all strangers to one another, who shared one of the tables and felt they were comfortable in each other's company enough to spill everything from hysterectomies to bra sizes.

But the really interesting bit comes about an hour later when another one of my virtual travelling companions twitted this post.

Turns out that @SnailbeeEmma had joined this very same train, in the very same carriage and spotted the very same dog a bit later down the line in Swindon. I like to think I warmed the seat up for her, we care about each other in that way. I wonder if the seat-hoggy woman still had her bags on the seat?

40117 – 17:39 Friday 9th May

40117

Delays are the bane of any commuter but sometimes they do work in your favour as was the case when I changed trains in Reading tonight. Even after I’d taken my time snapping my previous carriage and then sauntering over the bridge I found I was still in time to leisurely board the 17:39 Bradford-on-Avon service which was running late. 

The Train Manager did explain why but apart from something about the train driver turning up late the rest of his message was missed due to the fact it sounded like he was speaking through his winter duvet. 

As the train was in reverse formation I took a stroll right down to Carriage F and had that choice to make when all the seats seem to have one single occupant and you have to choose some poor victim to give up their comfortable solitude. The poor chap I chose didn’t exactly make me unwelcome but he certainly wasn’t giving up any of his share of the armrest.

Still, a “bonus” carriage I suppose as I was expecting to be on a Turbo so happy weekend!

44081 – 06:57 Wednesday 7th May

44081

After last night’s revelations about the “surprise and delights” (her words not mine) on the way to all of us Season Ticket holders today’s journey was never going to live up to those high standards……and indeed it didn't.

Highlights were sitting next to the rambler who wears a flat cap and Robert the Train Manager who responded to Mr Flat Cap and mine proffering of our tickets for inspection with a “thanks gents….”

That is all. Have a good day everyone……..

42029 – 17:33 Tuesday 6th May

42029

It was a good news journey home, not least because I managed to not cough up a lung on my 100 yard dash for the 17:33 Paignton Service and certainly not least because Carriage B (42029) offered up a lovely double berth into which I could snooze the 30 minutes into Reading.

But the main piece of good news come through round about Slough (yes, that’s right, a sentence with “good news” and “Slough” in it) when Grant (he of my Twitter spat last night) confirmed that not only had he passed on the contents of my Service Improvement suggestions but he’d already received a reply with regards to one of them.

The reply came from someone called Rachel who works in marketing (so she’s no doubt young, attractive and probably uses self-tan) and is apparently responsible for all Season Ticket holder benefits. Rachel delighted in being able to tell me that there were in fact some Season Ticket benefits already in place, more specifically to the tune of 2 weekend tickets as long as I signed up to the marketing email communications. She also teasingly told me that there were some further “surprise and delights” (her words not mine) in the pipeline.

Well all I can say is, bring it on Rachel, I’ll take any number of freebies you can fling at me! If you need any suggestions for the “surprise and delights” (her words not mine) then here’s my top 5:

• A ride in the cab of a HST – Seriously I keep mentioning this and can confirm once again that if FGW would ever give me this I would never ever complain about anything ever again. The 2 toots on the horn are still a deal-breaker though.
• A redesign of the standard class seats which gives each passenger their own armrest.
• The ability to turn off the Express Café announcements for the duration of my journey. I really don’t need to know about the porridge.
• The right to give a dead-leg to anyone in the quiet carriage who makes more noise than the rustle of a newspaper.
• More hats for FGW staff. Not strictly a service improvement suggestion but I do believe that a smart peaked cap will put a spring in the step of all FGW personnel.

42055 – 17:49 Tuesday 22nd April

It’s my return journey that by far offers the most opportunities for Carriage Captures as I think I won’t be able to bring myself to deviate from my beloved Carriage A on the morning London bound journeys. My method for getting back to the homestead involves getting to Paddington as quickly as the cursed Circle Line will let me and then jumping on the first train leaving in a westward direction as by and large they all stop at Reading. Once at Reading, if I’m running early I can get a stopping Turbo to Thatcham or if running late I can meet the 18:05 Frome service.

The advantage to this tried and tested method is that if everything goes wrong I’m at least a good mileage nearer to home but on the other hand the obvious risk is when the service I’m using to get to Reading goes kaput and I’m overtaken by the Frome train with all the other Thatcham warriors pulling moonies at me as they thunder past.

Tonight I was just in time to leap gracefully about the 17:49 service to Worcester Shrub Hill and as it was in reverse formation I somehow ended up in Carriage E. There some spare seats despite the habitual “vestibule-standers” even if I did have to ask an “aisle sitter” if I could squeeze my lithe body through to the window seat.

Now let me make one thing quite quite crystal clear here. Anyone who chooses to sit in a aisle seat whilst keeping the window seat free is a twat. They are only hoping that no-one will be brave enough to ask them to move and the result will be they’ll end up with both seats to luxuriate in and not have some sweaty fleshy mountain fighting over the arm rest. Excuses of “long legs” or “getting off at the 1st stop” whilst not necessarily fabrications are just excuses and anyone with a jot of honesty would admit that they are all just part of a double-seat hopeful ploy. Don’t get me wrong, there are different levels of “aisle sitters”, pretty obviously someone with their bag on the window seat, headphones on so they can pretend not to hear you and then huffing and puffing when you have the temerity to ask them to move are much much worse (i.e. King or Queen Twat) than someone who immediately gets up with a smile on their face, (baby-boo-boo twat) but make no mistake, they are all cut from the same cloth.

This particular aisle sitter got up willingly enough (a sort of toddler twat) but he hadn’t put the arm rest down which meant we had far far too much neighbourly bodily contact for my liking but maybe I’ll go into this in more details in a later episode.

The only other thing of note on this particular journey was the Train Manager (TM), who seemed to think that he was the starring DJ on Fab FM as every announcement was performed with a faux American slur and worse pauses and running words into one another than the great tit of the news, Robert Peston. So we didn’t have “security” we had “secuuuridy”, we didn’t have “authortity” we had “authooridy”, and we didn’t stop at Maidenhead, we stopped at May-den-ed.

That said, we did arrive on time, so…….Let’s Rock!