42066 18:37 Monday 18th August

42066

The start of a new week and it was an exciting old journey home after boarding the 18:03 to Penzance and taking a seat in 42252, which although turned out to be a duplicate carriage, didn’t stop the fun and games kicking off when a certain cheeky chappy skipped up the aisle with a jaunty step, merrily waving a long stick in the air with a mobile phone glued to the end.

Turns out that the “stick” is a “selfiepod” and going from what the chap was saying, I could purchase one directly from him for the princely sum of £10.

Actually I could probably do with one as I’d only just taken this snap of a fellow passenger who thinks it acceptable to hog seats with runner beans. Just imagine the shot I could have got if I’d got a stick with a camera on the end?

I have to say he was more “silver spoon” than “barrow boy” but not used to having my train journey turned into a mobile version of Petticoat Lane I tweeted @FGW to see whether this was an bonus extra service to try to regain some of their customer’s trust. (This is an ongoing subject at the moment.)

Grant, ever one to crush a young entrepreneur’s dream, was soon on the case, but his tweet gave me the impression that the man with the stick had just been catapulted through the buffet car window as we passed through Taplow.

Feeling like a complete cad I promised @selfiepod a mention on tonight’s blog and then went beyond the call of duty by trying to peddle their wares to Grant himself. Noting Grant’s reluctant to appear in any photographic format (has he got an extra eye or something?) I instead connected “Mr Pod” with the ever delectable queen of purple, Rebecca the Ambassador from Cardiff - @fgw_cdfcentral and no sooner had you said Cilla Black it looks like we should all start ordering our top hats and buttonholes.

Mind you, any previous guilty feelings I had were soon dispelled when I reached home and found that “Mr Selfie” was not only claiming he was simply explaining the selfiepod system to interested parties (how come I know it’s a tenner then Mr Dragon’s Den?) but had captured himself with FGW’s Jess!

Now unless there’s a Train Manager going by the same name, the last time I saw the “proper” Jess she looked like this – how she’s let herself go!

(She's the one on the right BTW, not the one in the middle)

Oh, my journey was completed on 42066, a Carriage C on the 18:37 to Frome.

42068 & 42039 – 07:57 & 19:03 Monday 28rd July

42068 & 42039

OK, let’s get the trains out the way with first.

I caught the 07:57 from Reading into Paddington this morning and sat in Carriage B, 42068, next to one of the most ungracious bag-seat hogger people I’ve ever come across.

On the way home, I was on the 19:03 to Plymouth and somehow managed to bag a double seat in Carriage D, 42039 whilst everyone else seemed to be sitting on each other’s laps.

Now the observant amongst you will have instantly thought to yourselves, “but hey, BGC, why on earth were you taking a morning train from Reading? And 07:57, that’s usually the time you’re in London and looking fabulous on the tube?”

And the simple answer to this is every commuter’s nightmare – you arrive at the station and every single train is marked as “Cancelled” or “Delayed” and the only thing you can hear is FGW’s unapologetic pre-recorded apology recording.

The reasons behind this almost daily debacle range from the sublime to the ridiculous. Apparently there were signalling issues in Newbury (honestly, at the moment it’s like all the stations are taking turns in having this sort of problem) but also a dead body had been found in a tunnel between Bristol and Bath.
And who told me of this rather macabre discovery?

Why none other than Nice Peter, the shaggy and rather scruffy ticket office man at Thatcham station.

Peter is a lovely bloke and quite obviously doesn’t get the support he deserves from the rest of the FGW rumbling machine. Firstly whenever there is any sort of issue he leaves the protection of his bullet proof glass box and wanders up and down the platform explaining the situation as he knows it to the waiting passengers. He also addresses us all as “gang” – “Hi gang, ‘fraid to say that I’ve got nothing coming through for the next hour at least” he’ll say with the tail of his crumpled shirt hanging out.

He also speaks to every person approaching his ticket box and tells them what’s going on. So it was rather strange to hear immediately after him telling someone that as far as he knew there were no trains and there were busses on the way, the warning claxon of the barriers being lowered on the level crossing. Turns out that there was a rogue turbo on its way to Reading that we could all jump on and at least continue our disrupted journeys from there. Poor Peter, trying his hardest and keeping everyone as calm as possible and yet kept in the dark just as much as the rest of us mushrooms.

I was somewhat disappointed there to see then that my tweet in praise of Nice Peter not be “favourited” or “re-tweeted” by @FGW.

Mind you, they were very very busy, giving terse replies, such as this one, to their beloved customers.

EXCELSIOR!

Oh, last minute P.S. – I’ve just been followed by @FGWBPW, the Ambassadors from Bristol. Oi, Brizzle Ambassadors, send Peter a nice purple waistcoat will you? He’d be even better talking to his “gang” with his shirt under control!

42561 & 42518 – 18:00 & 18:37 Friday 4th July

42561 & 42518

Hello Houston, we have a problem……….

Well it has been a pretty abysmal week for commuting but this particular problem wasn’t caused by anything unpleasant and that includes all the smelly freaksters who think it’s acceptable to remove your shoes on public transport! Yeah, looking at you, high heel business women…..if you can’t hack ‘em, don’t wear ‘em!

As I clambered aboard the 18:00 Bristol service to make my way home tonight I got onto Carriage F for the only reason that I was desperate for a wee and this was the nearest standard class carriage to the barriers. After composing myself I took a seat in said Carriage F (or 42561) and noticed how clean and bright everything was looking. From the carpets to the seats to the paper antimacassars, everything looked brand new. This theme even continued to the carriage number which looked so new it almost smelt of fresh wet paint.

I wondered if this was one of the former 1st Class Carriages that have been refurbished for Standard Class use and these suspicions seem to have been confirmed as Jess’s list of carriage numbers that she forwarded to me what seems like a half a life time ago (remember those days, when she used to answer my tweets and mails……ah that golden summer of our shared youth) doesn’t include this number.

So this rather puts a hefty iron bar in the spokes unless I can find out which number was transformed into 42561. I reckon this is a case for none other than the unsung hero of FGW, the Oll-Finder General and this really will be a test to see if he does read the blog…….

The journey was finalised aboard 42518 which was Carriage E on the Frome service where things didn’t look so new and shiny, but better than the carriages did when I tweeted this a few days ago.

The strange thing about this tweet is that it was picked up by two new followers who look to be some of FGW’s purple great coat wearing lovelies, who I believe are known as Ambassadors. Both seem to work out of Cardiff which means our paths with probably never cross, but unless Jess pulls her finger out she might find herself replaced! So @fgw_cdfcentral and @fgwcardiff this entry is dedicated to you in all your purple coated splendor!

44003, 42211 & 42285 – 06:57, 18:03 & 18:37 Thursday 5th May

 

Oh yeah baby! Back in the swing of things with a three carriage haul today.

This morning’s train was as quietly boring as ever (44003 – Carriage A on the 06:57) but things got more interesting on the way home when @slowpokesam and FGW’s very own floozy, Jess started making electronic eyes at each other over the subject of on-time trains.

But after this bit of fluffy nonsense it got all dirty and grimy with both Jess and Grant defending FGW’s right to “chuck turds around the country” (my words not theirs) with gay abandon. There’s obviously more to this story than meets the eye (now we know why Network Rail engineers wear goggles on the tracks) but anyone who isn’t outraged by a company who deposits human effluence “willy nilly” has a screw loose.

Anyway, I’m off now to curl one off on my drive.

42275 – 15:06 Wednesday 28st May

42275

Those dedicated readers and BGC stalkers amongst you will know or have realised that I am not at work this week due to having five luxurious days off as I move between jobs. As much as part of me wanted to do nothing more than sit in the same pair of pants for 5 days and watch unending episodes of Judge Judy the other part suggested that I use this spare time to get a new pair of trainers, an exciting piece of shopping I’ve been meaning to do for quite a while.

My journey to town was accompanied by a plethora of tweets from FGW’s Queen of Twitter Jess, who after I’d pestered her for the photo to celebrate my 40th capture, went into full flirt mode and pestered me for the whole journey with improper suggestions and crude language. This culminated with an invitation of coffee in the presence of Mr Brunel, which one of us sadly had to turn down. Still her final tweet on the matter, whilst sounding unnerving ominous, looks like it won’t be the last word on the matter.

So trainers safely bought (you really don’t want details on this part do you?) I returned to Paddington and was just wondering whether to catch a straight through train or an earlier one that would see me change at Reading when who did I spot marching up the concourse, reading for signing on for his shift on the twitter lines, none other than the world renown Ollie, FGW’s original tweet lord.

I’m not sure what the correct protocol in this sort of situation is but I decided on one that saw me jumped out at him from behind a pillar and introduce myself. Luckily Ollie did at least realise who I was and obviously I haven’t cheesed off the twitter crowd too much as he didn’t floor me with a right hook. He was also good enough to advise me on my train dilemma and suggested that I go on the Penzance service in order to get another carriage successfully captured. So that’s why a couple of minutes later I was securely sat in Carriage C on the 15:06 and 42275 can now be ticked off the list.

Of course it was only when I got to Reading that I realised that a cheeky selfie of me and the Ol-Meister would have see Jess’s photo dilemma solved, at least until number 60 anyway.

42087 – 07:15 Tuesday 20th May

42087

Dedicated followers of the blog, and I have it confirmed that Lovely Jess is definitely my No1 Fan, will notice from today’s title that I did not catch my usual morning train. You can imagine how potentially damaging this is to someone with a personality bordering on OCD and any deviation from the norm can bring me out in a hot flush…………..

………..well actually no, there’s a train about 20 minutes later and it was onto this iron horse that I leapt with hardly a hair out of place. I chose Carriage B as this was an unusual journey and settled down in 42087 with only the dulcet tones of some woman gabbing away all her personal details on the phone.

Well there you go Jess, another entry in the diary and something to read between tweeting apologies and whipping Leo up a latte. Cheers!

Another bonus post – Introducing Leo

Unfortunately it was another duplicate carriage this morning so that meant another failure to capture a carriage for the Carriage Capture, which will obviously be just as much of a crushing disappointment for readers of this blog as it was for me.

But never fear because luckily Lovely Jess, perhaps sensing an impending disaster on the carriage front, had chosen today to send me the first of my Carriage Capture reward photographs. It’s obviously a duty for me to share it with the wider world and so I reproduce it here for everyone’s enjoyment. So ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, may I present to you, FGW’s finest (for now anyway) Mr Leo.

Get a load of this ladies....Grrrrrrr!

The obvious comment to make is that Leo has taken his name very literally by growing a superb mane of golden whiskers to surround his face with. This no doubt gives him super tweeting powers, but not enough tweeting power to tidy up his fast food drink cup from behind the laptop………Jess, you need a get a grip!

44067 – 06:57 Thursday 15th May

44067

The same regular morning train is still throwing up new and unexplored Carriage A’s for the Carriage Capture project and 44067 just became the next victim of the BGC.

There was nothing to report and everything was going nice and very much to order until the unruly Reading lot got on at, well, at Reading. As the ugly hoards staggered their way up the aisle, one mardy bugger who was obviously not having the best of mornings was heard to mutter “Fuckin’ hell!” as it looked like all the seats would be taken before he would have a chance to park his backside in a free spot.

This in itself would be a small and forgettable occurrence but for the fact minutes after the event I spotted this tweet from one of the regular commuting tweeters who I follow, @cr_rail

This could only mean one thing and I’m sure you’ve already figured it quicker than me, that somewhere in this carriage was someone I had only previously known by avatar and moaning tweets.

Before you could say cheesy Hollywood rom-com you had Jess from FGW chipping in recreating her own version of Brief Encounter and getting all gushing about the fact we were in the same carriage!

Now what’s the problem with all of this I hear all you non-commuting readers ask? (Yeah, like there are any non-commuting readers………(Yeah, like there any readers at all!)) Well it’s a funny thing but the possibility of “train friends” isn’t necessarily something I’m comfortable with and I get the impression from other tweeting commuters that they feel the same. It’s a much often repeated cliché that the British travel on busses, trains and tubes and never utter a word to each other and it’s true, we don’t, but the reason this has become a staple topic of stand-up comedians everywhere is because we actually prefer it that way. We love our bubbles of silence and our little worlds of mental self-delusion and we’ll protect and defend them to the hilt.

Luckily it would see that Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss @cr_rail feels the same and we both rejected Jess’s suggestion to perform a synchronised wave so we could identify each other. And anyway, after all, it’s much more fun trying to work out who it might be secretly!

So…..is it young-beany-hat-over-the-eye-snooze-guy? Or ginger-kindle-fiend? Surely not Ms-stupid-look-at-me-cough who I had to sit next to yesterday? You’re not Mr “Not that one!” Williams are you?

44030 – 06:57 Friday 9th May

44030

I sent a heartfelt pre-train tweet this morning claiming how Friday is my best chance for a nice peaceful double seat on the journey into London and wondering whether this very modest commuter’s dream will come true.

Alas I rather blotted my own copy-book by sitting next to a reserved seat which saw me on my Jack Jones until Reading when the seat owner (who gets on every day – “NOT THAT ONE!”) got on. So I only have myself to blame!

Apart from that I can only continue to wonder at my luck at consistently managing to capture new Carriage As as today’s prey was 44030, yet another green tick on the wall-chart.

Jess? You updated yet?

44015 – 06:57 Thursday 8th May

44015

An interesting start to the day. 

Not on the train. That was about as exciting as a bowl of Weetabix for breakfast (other cereals are just as tasteless) with all the excitement being provided by Ginger-Kindle-Reader stepping on my toe. But I’ll say this for Carriage 44015 (playing the part of Carriage A on the 06:57) it got me to Paddington on time and in one piece…..apart from the toe.

But the exciting thing was a lovely mail from FGW’s lovely Jess who seemed inexplicably excited by the fact that not only have I now achieved the first 20 captures but she now has a copy of my spreadsheet onto which she can log my progress. If I was a betting man I reckon this will be blu-tacked up to the FGW office wall within the day and a green day-glo pen waiting on the side ready to mark off the next victims in the quest. Oh Ollie, Leo and Grant may whinge and moan that there’s no room for their pull out and keep World Cup chart but we all know which is more exciting and which one has more chance for running longer than a fortnight.

All together now…..”Back home……they’ll be thinking about us….”