42035, 42197 & 40113 – 18:15, 18:03 & 18:37 Tuesday 2nd September & Wednesday 3rd September

 42035, 42197 & 40113

Yesterday was boring, even by the sleepy levels of this blog, with a single carriage captured on a slightly later than normal train, the 18:15 to Swansea. But 42035, a Carriage B, still got me to Reading in time for a sneaky Snickers in the waiting room.

Tonight was much, much more exciting when the 18:03, Penzance service saw me inside a re-badged Carriage F, otherwise known as 42197.

We were just about to leave on a very pleasant late summer’s evening when a portly chap in a zipped up puffa jacket asked if he could take the seat next to me. He then spent the next ½ hour in a constant round of wheezing, mopping his brow with his baseball cap and playing World of Warcraft on his laptop and never once did it occur to him to take off his jacket.

Ah well, each unto their own.

The 18:37 to Frome saw me aboard another Carriage F, 40113, and the weather was still so pleasant I stood by the open window in the vestibule and even managed to take a selfie complete with carriage number. 

Orderly queue ladies, orderly queue............

42315, 42504 & 42118 – 18:37, 18:00 & 18:37 Tuesday 19th July & Wednesday 20th July

42315

42504 

42118

Nothing exciting happened yesterday, well certainly nothing to compare to Monday’s excitement, other than when the train (in a duplicate carriage) that took me to Reading set off the Train Manager’s announcement informed people that it is illegal to sell things on the train. Very strange seeing as I’ve never heard that particular warning before and coming just one day after yesterday’s on-board episode of Only Fools and Horses.

Oh, I sat in 42315, a Carriage D, on the 18:37 to Frome to get me home.

Today it was all aboard a duplicate Carriage A for this morning’s adventure into town which ended just outside Theale when FGW asked me to wait for the next two hours in a field. Apparently a freight train had broken down just outside Reading and had blocked all lines in and out of the Station.

OK, not really FGW’s fault but again we were victims of the inability of the railways to take any sort of action when something untoward happens and get us moving again. Instead we had to wait for something to shunt something else out of the way and with just the taste of Jess’s stroppy twitter reply and a free black coffee in my mouth we were back on the way before you could say 120 minutes of pain in the back side.

This evening it was aboard a very boring 18:00 Bristol Service in Carriage E, 42504 and 42118, a Carriage B on the 18:37 to Frome. This time it was a mere 12 minutes late. So 10 times better at being late than this morning.

See! And you lot think that things never improve!

Free!

42066 18:37 Monday 18th August

42066

The start of a new week and it was an exciting old journey home after boarding the 18:03 to Penzance and taking a seat in 42252, which although turned out to be a duplicate carriage, didn’t stop the fun and games kicking off when a certain cheeky chappy skipped up the aisle with a jaunty step, merrily waving a long stick in the air with a mobile phone glued to the end.

Turns out that the “stick” is a “selfiepod” and going from what the chap was saying, I could purchase one directly from him for the princely sum of £10.

Actually I could probably do with one as I’d only just taken this snap of a fellow passenger who thinks it acceptable to hog seats with runner beans. Just imagine the shot I could have got if I’d got a stick with a camera on the end?

I have to say he was more “silver spoon” than “barrow boy” but not used to having my train journey turned into a mobile version of Petticoat Lane I tweeted @FGW to see whether this was an bonus extra service to try to regain some of their customer’s trust. (This is an ongoing subject at the moment.)

Grant, ever one to crush a young entrepreneur’s dream, was soon on the case, but his tweet gave me the impression that the man with the stick had just been catapulted through the buffet car window as we passed through Taplow.

Feeling like a complete cad I promised @selfiepod a mention on tonight’s blog and then went beyond the call of duty by trying to peddle their wares to Grant himself. Noting Grant’s reluctant to appear in any photographic format (has he got an extra eye or something?) I instead connected “Mr Pod” with the ever delectable queen of purple, Rebecca the Ambassador from Cardiff - @fgw_cdfcentral and no sooner had you said Cilla Black it looks like we should all start ordering our top hats and buttonholes.

Mind you, any previous guilty feelings I had were soon dispelled when I reached home and found that “Mr Selfie” was not only claiming he was simply explaining the selfiepod system to interested parties (how come I know it’s a tenner then Mr Dragon’s Den?) but had captured himself with FGW’s Jess!

Now unless there’s a Train Manager going by the same name, the last time I saw the “proper” Jess she looked like this – how she’s let herself go!

(She's the one on the right BTW, not the one in the middle)

Oh, my journey was completed on 42066, a Carriage C on the 18:37 to Frome.

42277 & 42513 – 18:00 & 18:37 Friday 6th June

I got on two trains tonight – 42277 was Carriage B on the 18:00 Bristol Temple Meads service which I caught to Reading and 42513 which was Carriage E on the 18:37 to Frome.

Then I got off the trains.

It’s not going to get any more exciting as Monday morning next week sees my last train for two weeks. How will you cope without the updates?

Probably very well…..

44024, 42291 & 42212 – 06:57, 17:49 & 18:37

44024

42212

Nothing to report in terms of the carriages – It was a new Carriage A (44024) on the way to work and a combination of a Carriage C (42291 – alas a duplicate) and a Carriage D (42212) on the way home. 

The most exciting thing was sharing a seat with a female cyclist who was wearing a yellow cardigan, a day-glo orange vest and carrying a bright green bag. She was coughing so hard she dropped her helmet (a red one).

But the interesting thing was getting a reply from Leo (remember him – bushy beard, doesn’t clear up after himself) about what Carriage X might mean. He was helped by @Paul_MK5 who sounds like he’s forgotten more about trains than I will know in two lifetimes. Anyway Carriage X might mean any of the following:

A spare carriage used for outsize baggage.

A carriage on the way to a depot.

Used on a 6 standard class carriage train to stop 2 carriages having the same letter.

An extra car on “special” 9 car sets.

A replacement for a 1st class carriage.

So basically anything you want it to be. Mystery solved. 

Excelsior!

44008 & 42166 – 06:57 & 20:45 Wednesday 21st May

44008

Another double entry but a much more exciting one than yesterday.

This morning’s journey was pretty run of the mill. Carriage A on the 06:57 saw me manage to ticked 44008 off my ever bulging list of Carriage A’s now captured.

42166

However the return journey was full of excitement and this report will no doubt have you hanging onto your hats and sitting on the edge of your seats.

I clambered aboard the 20:45 Bristol Temple Meads service after a evening drink and office pub quiz only to find that what should have been Carriage E (well it was in that position anyway) was actually labelled as Carriage X. 42166 was fitted out with the VOLO screens so perhaps it had also previously been a Carriage D but whatever the history of the carriage both I and FGW didn’t have a clue why it was bearing this letter.

X marks the spot.

So there’s a mystery to be solved here and you can rest assured that I will leave no stone unturned to discover the story behind the mystery Carriage X!

Jess…! Jess…..!

42089 & 42259 – 17:49 & 18:37 Tuesday 20th May

Something new tonight……..new but ultimately extremely boring.

Nothing happened on the journey home tonight so I won’t put any faithful readers (looking at just you Jess) through the torture of two posts which basically just say:

Carriage B 42089 for the 17:49 Worcester Shrub Hill Service and Carriage C 42259 for the 18:37 Frome Service.

Just to mix it up a bit, I stood in the vestibule of 42259 but hey……that’s the way I roll!

42325 – 17:49 Monday 19th May

42325

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, let no-one ever say I don’t give credit where credit is due. Today when boarding the Worcester Shrub Hill service and bounding into Carriage D (42325 to his friends) I was stuck squarely between the eyes by the cooling draught of a well working air conditioning system, which after the muggy heat of the sweltering London, was quite a relief, let me let you.

I told FGW as much with the following tweet but maybe because Moody Max was on duty I ended up sitting next to some middle-aged suit who spent the whole journey playing the Rachmaninoff concerto on the keyboard of his laptop.

The one bright light in the journey was my first photo taking the number of the carriage from the side of, what I initially thought was the air conditioning unit, but seeing as these boxes only appear in Carriage D’s I’m guessing in fact it’s the inner workings of the VOLO TV system, that top notch entertainment system which brings us such delights as the Moving Map, the Rugby World Cup highlights from 1980-something and endless loops of the hilarious Miranda.

Anyway, a good start to the journey……………

44067 – 06:57 Thursday 15th May

44067

The same regular morning train is still throwing up new and unexplored Carriage A’s for the Carriage Capture project and 44067 just became the next victim of the BGC.

There was nothing to report and everything was going nice and very much to order until the unruly Reading lot got on at, well, at Reading. As the ugly hoards staggered their way up the aisle, one mardy bugger who was obviously not having the best of mornings was heard to mutter “Fuckin’ hell!” as it looked like all the seats would be taken before he would have a chance to park his backside in a free spot.

This in itself would be a small and forgettable occurrence but for the fact minutes after the event I spotted this tweet from one of the regular commuting tweeters who I follow, @cr_rail

This could only mean one thing and I’m sure you’ve already figured it quicker than me, that somewhere in this carriage was someone I had only previously known by avatar and moaning tweets.

Before you could say cheesy Hollywood rom-com you had Jess from FGW chipping in recreating her own version of Brief Encounter and getting all gushing about the fact we were in the same carriage!

Now what’s the problem with all of this I hear all you non-commuting readers ask? (Yeah, like there are any non-commuting readers………(Yeah, like there any readers at all!)) Well it’s a funny thing but the possibility of “train friends” isn’t necessarily something I’m comfortable with and I get the impression from other tweeting commuters that they feel the same. It’s a much often repeated cliché that the British travel on busses, trains and tubes and never utter a word to each other and it’s true, we don’t, but the reason this has become a staple topic of stand-up comedians everywhere is because we actually prefer it that way. We love our bubbles of silence and our little worlds of mental self-delusion and we’ll protect and defend them to the hilt.

Luckily it would see that Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss @cr_rail feels the same and we both rejected Jess’s suggestion to perform a synchronised wave so we could identify each other. And anyway, after all, it’s much more fun trying to work out who it might be secretly!

So…..is it young-beany-hat-over-the-eye-snooze-guy? Or ginger-kindle-fiend? Surely not Ms-stupid-look-at-me-cough who I had to sit next to yesterday? You’re not Mr “Not that one!” Williams are you?

42014 – 22:45 Wednesday 14th May

42014

Another late night train after another late night but none the less entertaining Oranges and Lemons tour where the BGC leads unsuspecting and unwilling office workers around East End churches and more importantly, East End pubs.

The dirty details of the tour can be found on the O&Ls blog but the all I can really say about the train journey home was that it was made just about bearable by the double Upper Crust #baguettes especially as I ended up in Carriage B on the 22:45 Swansea service surrounded by a returning rugby team.

Mind you compared to the cast of the Jeremy Kyle show who were waiting for me at Reading station the rugger lads were extremely well behaved. I really won’t go into the “effing” and “jeffing” on the platform in case anyone of a sensitive disposition is reading this but it culminated with a full on bitch-slap fight on the last train to Newbury.

Ah……the joys of the commute.

44043 – 06:57 Monday 13th May

44043

Rookie mistake this morning.

Got on the carriage and faffed and fluffed and procrastinated as I shuffled down the aisle, rejecting spare seats for no good reason, chasing the dream of a spare double which was never going to happen on a busy Tuesday morning and consequently found myself right down the blocked off end of 44043, which to someone who hardly ever ventures down into this neighbourhood felt like I’d just decided to wander around the rough end of town whilst dressed in a suit made of ten pound notes.

To add insult to this self-induced and totally avoidable injury, when the person who had the reserved seat next to me turned up, they did that annoying thing where they stand directly next to your seat and then ask to get in. Fine, no problem with the letting you in but give me a chance to move out the way without having to leap over the back of the seat like a demented Rudolf Nureyev at this time in the morning.

42080 – 17:33 Monday 12th May

42080

Guess what? Guess what? It’s all happening on the 17:33 Paignton Service especially in Carriage B (42080) where our hero, the BGC, has just taken a seat next to a chap who obviously has beach balls for testicles looking at the width he has to keep his legs open.

And what is the cause for this excitement? Well hold onto your hats as I have an answer to my second Service Improvement suggestion, so project #NotJasonNess is complete! Well, I say complete when what I really mean is confused.

Fans of the blog, and let’s face, just who isn’t a fan of the blog, will remember that I had punted two Service Improvement suggestions over to FGW and Twitter operator extraordinaire Grant had promised to ensure I got two replies from FGW management about them. I got one reply by return post almost and with the other one dropping in today; I guess a total of a one week turnaround isn’t too bad.

I won’t go into the details of each Service Improvement in case one of you steals the idea and makes fortune from one of the other TOCs but I will describe the replies by using a fruit analogy.

In the first enquiry I basically asked, “I think the season ticket holders should get some free fruit every month, maybe an apple, perhaps a banana and on special occasions, a plum.”

Rachel from FGW (remember her? Young, attractive and without a hint of fake tan) replied with something along the lines of, “Didn’t you know you were already entitled to a free apple? And soon we’ll be introducing some surprising and delightful other fruits as well.” (My words not hers.)

So that’s all good, at least my enquiry was addressed and I will be chasing in the style of Duncan Norvelle to ensure I get to find out what the surprise and delights turn out to be.

My other Service Improvement suggestion was a little more complicated but went along these lines, “it takes a long time to load the pears. How about FGW employs some peaches and by having a grape on every pear, trains would be able to leave the stations a lot quicker.”

The reply I got back from someone called Andrew Saunders, who is an Integrated Transport Manager no less, went like this. “Thanks you for your enquiry about pears. We are looking into some melons. We hope to have some new cauliflowers by the end of May.”

So it’s a classic FGW-ism of being one step forward but feeling two steps back. Anyone got a cabbage?

44004 – 06:57 Monday 12th May

44004

Ummmm, not a lot to report today.

Got the train, read the Metro, fell asleep, got off the train, took a photo of the carriage, got stared at by the other passengers.

Well that’s another Carriage A, 44004 in the book.

See you tonight……..in the meantime enjoy this melancholic poem from @creativerach1

40117 – 17:39 Friday 9th May

40117

Delays are the bane of any commuter but sometimes they do work in your favour as was the case when I changed trains in Reading tonight. Even after I’d taken my time snapping my previous carriage and then sauntering over the bridge I found I was still in time to leisurely board the 17:39 Bradford-on-Avon service which was running late. 

The Train Manager did explain why but apart from something about the train driver turning up late the rest of his message was missed due to the fact it sounded like he was speaking through his winter duvet. 

As the train was in reverse formation I took a stroll right down to Carriage F and had that choice to make when all the seats seem to have one single occupant and you have to choose some poor victim to give up their comfortable solitude. The poor chap I chose didn’t exactly make me unwelcome but he certainly wasn’t giving up any of his share of the armrest.

Still, a “bonus” carriage I suppose as I was expecting to be on a Turbo so happy weekend!

42096 – 17:15 Friday 9th May

42096

Early arrival at Paddington should have meant the opportunity to get a non-regular train, and it did, but unfortunately that didn’t mean I got a non-regular carriage as no sooner had to plonked myself down in a lovely spare double seat in Carriage B on the 17:15 Carmarthen Service than I realised I’d already been in this one before.

So with a slight huff and puff I gathered up my belongings and thought a quick scamper down into Carriage C would see me with a new berth and a new carriage. Alas FGW foiled my plans by ensuring all the seats were reserved seats in this carriage meaning my stumble down the carriages had to continue onward to Carriage D.

It was here I did manage to find a place aboard 42096 but not before I had to ask the window sitter to move their bag. In fact there seemed there was a disproportionate amount of seat-bag-hoggers in operation today. Now I’ve already had a rant at the aisle sitters but even worse than these wastes of skin are the seat-bag-hoggers who are quite despicable and possibly the lowest creation on this fair earth. Perhaps my tweet explaining all this wasn’t so pithy but you get the point.

The bright spot in this cloudy sky was spotting that the carriage number is also shown on the side of the air con unit in the carriage. Quite why this excited me as much as it did it probably an unhealthy sign but at least it’s another option when trying not too look too much like a sad spotter when taking the photos. (Emphasis on the “trying”.)

44030 – 06:57 Friday 9th May

44030

I sent a heartfelt pre-train tweet this morning claiming how Friday is my best chance for a nice peaceful double seat on the journey into London and wondering whether this very modest commuter’s dream will come true.

Alas I rather blotted my own copy-book by sitting next to a reserved seat which saw me on my Jack Jones until Reading when the seat owner (who gets on every day – “NOT THAT ONE!”) got on. So I only have myself to blame!

Apart from that I can only continue to wonder at my luck at consistently managing to capture new Carriage As as today’s prey was 44030, yet another green tick on the wall-chart.

Jess? You updated yet?

42333 – 18:37 Thursday 8th May

42333

This is getting to be far too much of a habit and is hampering the Carriage Capture no end. Jumped aboard the 17:49 again and innocently sat in Carriage B only to find out I was in this very same carriage only 2 days ago when it was masquerading as the 17:33 service.

So unfortunately I cannot tell you all about the “little man armrest hogger” who sat by me to Maidenhead and I cannot tell you all about the bloke in Ain’t Half Hot Mum shorts who say by me to Reading.

What I can tell you about is the ranging hurricane of a tweet war which has become known as #cupgate because it was still going on by the time I reached Reading and boarded Carriage E (42333) on the 18:37 Frome Service.

Basically to cut a long story short, it is possible to get a free cup of hot water from a FGW on-board café providing the following criteria are all fulfilled:

• The water is for one of the following reasons:
• Warming baby food
• Taking medication
• Assisting with childbirth
• Creating a rainforest atmosphere for 1st Class Passengers
• Washing smalls
• All cups must be accounted for by:
• Being signed for in triplicate
• Having the serial number of the cup tattooed in your armpit
• A signed waiver from both parents an at least 3 grandparents
• Electronic receipt from Marky Mark’s butler
• Under no circumstances must the water be used for:
• Brewing tea
• Holding under the air con sensor so it actually turns on
• The benefit and comfort of Standard Class Passengers

It’s worth noting that 1st Class Passengers as well as being entitled to as much hot water as their colostomy bags can handle, can also partake of hot unicorn’s blood served in a gem encrusted griffin’s skull (on production of 1st Class Ticket only.)

See you tomorrow……..

44015 – 06:57 Thursday 8th May

44015

An interesting start to the day. 

Not on the train. That was about as exciting as a bowl of Weetabix for breakfast (other cereals are just as tasteless) with all the excitement being provided by Ginger-Kindle-Reader stepping on my toe. But I’ll say this for Carriage 44015 (playing the part of Carriage A on the 06:57) it got me to Paddington on time and in one piece…..apart from the toe.

But the exciting thing was a lovely mail from FGW’s lovely Jess who seemed inexplicably excited by the fact that not only have I now achieved the first 20 captures but she now has a copy of my spreadsheet onto which she can log my progress. If I was a betting man I reckon this will be blu-tacked up to the FGW office wall within the day and a green day-glo pen waiting on the side ready to mark off the next victims in the quest. Oh Ollie, Leo and Grant may whinge and moan that there’s no room for their pull out and keep World Cup chart but we all know which is more exciting and which one has more chance for running longer than a fortnight.

All together now…..”Back home……they’ll be thinking about us….”

40104 – 18:37 Wednesday 7th May

40104

As good old Victor Meldrew might have exclaimed, “I don’t bloody believe it!” – Tonight I leapt about the 17:49 Worcester Service and immediately sat down in Carriage E, 42055, and it only goes and turns out that I’ve already been in this carriage!

What makes this even more annoying is that the journey to Reading was interesting enough to have a couple of stories to tell. Well I say interesting, what I really mean is annoying as the first thing that greeted me was the same bloody chap as a couple of days ago speaking to his kids on the phone. This time though it wasn’t a rehash of what the little brat had had for tea but rather a quick run through of today’s homework…..”and how many trees did you have to draw? Mmm, and did you do them neatly?”…..as I say, you can’t fault his commitment but I wish he’d do it before he leaves work or from the privacy of the toilet.

Then I ended up sitting next to little Miss First Big Job who immediately rang a friend as soon as she sat down to have a good old moan about her day at work….”and then it was like, and I was like, so she was all like and I mean no-one was like, so it was all like that in the end.” On and on and on and on and on, until I wished I’d bought shares in the word “like”. 

And then of course she entered cliché phase, “and so I was like to Alisha (yes of course, she couldn’t just be Emma could she) and she was like back to me, but Lissy (quite, it wouldn’t be Claire would it) you’re so not like that. I think I need to work in a place like a university and not like a secondary school.”

Why not try working in a place like a workplace! ARRRRGGGHH.

It was about this time I received a tweet from lovely Jo who had just checked in to tell me that apparently whilst Rachel from marketing is young and attractive, she doesn’t use self-tan. So that’s me told! And whilst on the medium of the tweet I spotted this from @_Funnynames_ which had me wetting myself……much to Lissy’s disgust as it disturbed her moaning…….like.

It was quite a relief to get to Reading and swap to the Frome Service and Carriage 40104 which is a Carriage F and my very first of this type of carriage. Obviously it was one of those ones with ½ Standard Class and ½ buffet rather than ½ 1st Class and ½ buffet which raises the question as to how on earth I’m going to capture the 1st Class Carriages……….answers on a postcard to the usual address.

44081 – 06:57 Wednesday 7th May

44081

After last night’s revelations about the “surprise and delights” (her words not mine) on the way to all of us Season Ticket holders today’s journey was never going to live up to those high standards……and indeed it didn't.

Highlights were sitting next to the rambler who wears a flat cap and Robert the Train Manager who responded to Mr Flat Cap and mine proffering of our tickets for inspection with a “thanks gents….”

That is all. Have a good day everyone……..