44064 & 42222 – 06:57 & 21:02 Friday 8th August

44064 & 42222

I’m afraid this is another miniscule jotting just to log that;

I was in Carriage 44064, a Carriage A on the morning train to work.

I was in Carriage 42222, a Carriage E on the evening train back home.

Enjoy your weekend by avoiding all the cyclists on the train going to something about bikes in London.

No-one cares guys, you’re not saving the planet so stop being so high and bloody mighty and delaying the trains. Oh, yeah, and those helmets…………..<snigger>

42288 23:30 Wednesday 9th July

42288

 

 

 

It was another morning train in reverse formation which makes the obtaining of the picture all the more difficult every time it happens. I just can’t risk life and limb being crushed under the stampeding hordes as they dash for the exits or find myself pinioned against the cycle racks at Paddington.

I did make a vague effort to video the number as I sailed past but the results were less than impressive and best consigned to the bin.

The return journey was also less than impressive.

Paddington to Reading was fine, albeit rather tired and sleepy as the Oranges and Lemons tour has been reinvigorated and there I was catching the last train home in what they call a tired and emotional state. The 23:30 to Bristol Temple Meads service was almost empty and Carriage B, 42288, provided a comfortable setting for half the journey home.

The second half though wasn’t as brilliant though as it was a replacement bus service which was leaving from “the north exit” as the PA system repeatedly squawked to all and sundry. Now I’ve been sailing through Reading Station for just over 3 years now on a daily basis and I’ve never heard any of the exits being referred to by any of the cardinal directions, never mind “north”, “west” or even “south by south-east”.

I went to the bus stop outside the front of the station, which is where every rail replacement bus since time began has left from but I think David Attenborough discovered more life in some African desert than there was here. I did bump into one smartly dishevelled man who was looking as lost as I felt and we soon established ourselves as kindred spirits trying to find out where this bus was.
We searched desperately for someone to ask but the station concourse was bereft of any FGW staff and apart from the Network Rail engineers and the girls in Tutti Fruitti coffee shop, who were both asked, we were no nearer locating the bus and as the persistent PA announcements were declaring, the bus was going to depart any minute.

A lack of options saw us sprinting across the bridge to the new exit (yes, apparently, this IS the “north exit”) and just about make it onto the departing bus by the skin of our joint teeth.
Quite why there either wasn’t a person directing people to this obviously well known “north exit” or at the very least a big sign with a helpful arrow I still can’t work out, but no doubt this saved Marky Mark part of someone’s wage or the cost of some marker pens so it’s all good?

Just as a friendly Post Script, my newly found lost friend turned out to be a lawyer and possibly the poshest person I’ve ever spoken to. And I don’t mean anything negative in that at all. He was witty and amusing and very complimentary to my blue trousers and yellow shoes, it was like chatting to an intelligent version of Tim Nice-But-Dim.

42564 18:37 Monday 7th July

42564

In terms of the Carriage Capture it was a day of mixed fortunes.

The hustle and bustle of the disembark from the morning train at Paddington meant that I wasn’t in a position to get a snap of the number and thinking that it was probably going to be a duplicate anyway I found myself in a complete state of indifference I wandered away without noting anything down at all.

The return journey was a bit more interesting. Firstly Carriage F on the 18:03 Penzance Service had obviously only recently become a Carriage F by the evidence of the hastily placed letter stickers on the ends of the carriage. My records show that I’d already been in 42014 when it was a Carriage B in a former life back in May.

42014 - Now appearing as Carriage F

Getting off at Reading was made marginally more amusing when I spotted this professor of ingenuity ensuring that every journey with FGW meant a journey with a seat. I say hats off to this fella and Leo seems to agree with me.

The 18:37 Frome Service was similarly made marginally more interesting when it looks like this is another new refurbished carriage (a Carriage E) as its number, 42564 doesn’t appear on my list of numbers. Another question I’ll have to ping Ollie’s way before my logging system become too far out of kilter.
Finally if this morning’s lacklustre effort at capturing the carriage makes me suspect I’m getting slightly jaded with the Carriage Capture then my new found fan base amongst the FGW Ambassadors (shout out to @fgw_cdfcentral and @fgwcardiff) might provide the inspiration for a new collection scheme, Ambassador Capture!

Tonight victim is Luke, who I spotted lurking on Platform 7 at Reading.

Luke, 23, has just graduated from Lincoln University with a 2:1 in Contemporary Archaeology but always knew he wanted to work in the travel industry after fond memories of countless camping holidays in Skegness. Luke was known by the nickname of “Chippy” whilst undergoing his training as an Ambassador with FGW because he was always hooving up any left over chips in the FGW canteen. His ambition with FGW is to make an announcement over the in-train on-board PA system telling passengers that “this is a peak time service and anyone with an off-peak ticket will be forcibly disembarked at Taplow without their luggage.”

Jesus, I’m so bored. Someone take me out for a drink…….

44024, 42291 & 42212 – 06:57, 17:49 & 18:37

44024

42212

Nothing to report in terms of the carriages – It was a new Carriage A (44024) on the way to work and a combination of a Carriage C (42291 – alas a duplicate) and a Carriage D (42212) on the way home. 

The most exciting thing was sharing a seat with a female cyclist who was wearing a yellow cardigan, a day-glo orange vest and carrying a bright green bag. She was coughing so hard she dropped her helmet (a red one).

But the interesting thing was getting a reply from Leo (remember him – bushy beard, doesn’t clear up after himself) about what Carriage X might mean. He was helped by @Paul_MK5 who sounds like he’s forgotten more about trains than I will know in two lifetimes. Anyway Carriage X might mean any of the following:

A spare carriage used for outsize baggage.

A carriage on the way to a depot.

Used on a 6 standard class carriage train to stop 2 carriages having the same letter.

An extra car on “special” 9 car sets.

A replacement for a 1st class carriage.

So basically anything you want it to be. Mystery solved. 

Excelsior!

42089 & 42259 – 17:49 & 18:37 Tuesday 20th May

Something new tonight……..new but ultimately extremely boring.

Nothing happened on the journey home tonight so I won’t put any faithful readers (looking at just you Jess) through the torture of two posts which basically just say:

Carriage B 42089 for the 17:49 Worcester Shrub Hill Service and Carriage C 42259 for the 18:37 Frome Service.

Just to mix it up a bit, I stood in the vestibule of 42259 but hey……that’s the way I roll!

42516 – 18:37 Monday 19th May

42516

……until disembarkation at Reading revealed that my connecting service, the 18:37 Frome Service was delayed due to a fault with the train.

Now, again, let no one ever accuse me of moaning about anything but the truth and the first thing I have to state here is that it’s been a long long long while since I’ve suffered any sort of delay at all. So perhaps all things told, I was due a disruption and have no real grounds for a moan.

This particular delay turned out to be about 40 minutes which is a bit of a kick in the goolies in anyone’s book, especially @emily1780 ‘s who tweeted in to ask whether any compensation was due. Moody Max eventually deemed this worthy of a reply and confirmed that yes, indeed compensation was due for delays over 30 minutes that were due to mechanical failure.

Full well knowing what the answer would be to the question, I then asked Max if this level of compensation would be applicable to everyone. The answer to those unfamiliar to FGW compensation rules is that season ticket holders don’t get the same compensation as other passengers and this is the one thing that drives me further round the bend than anything else FGW throws at me. And what drives me that one bit further up the road that is round the bend is that no matter how much I carp, complain and cry into my pillow about this, FGW doesn’t seem to understand why it makes my blood.

I gave Moody Max an opportunity to tell us what he really thought about this but he rather (and perhaps understandably) bottled the question. Still perhaps this was all slightly too trivial as FGW were busy getting people stranded at remote train stations.

Ho hum…..roll on tomorrow.

42325 – 17:49 Monday 19th May

42325

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, let no-one ever say I don’t give credit where credit is due. Today when boarding the Worcester Shrub Hill service and bounding into Carriage D (42325 to his friends) I was stuck squarely between the eyes by the cooling draught of a well working air conditioning system, which after the muggy heat of the sweltering London, was quite a relief, let me let you.

I told FGW as much with the following tweet but maybe because Moody Max was on duty I ended up sitting next to some middle-aged suit who spent the whole journey playing the Rachmaninoff concerto on the keyboard of his laptop.

The one bright light in the journey was my first photo taking the number of the carriage from the side of, what I initially thought was the air conditioning unit, but seeing as these boxes only appear in Carriage D’s I’m guessing in fact it’s the inner workings of the VOLO TV system, that top notch entertainment system which brings us such delights as the Moving Map, the Rugby World Cup highlights from 1980-something and endless loops of the hilarious Miranda.

Anyway, a good start to the journey……………

44067 – 06:57 Thursday 15th May

44067

The same regular morning train is still throwing up new and unexplored Carriage A’s for the Carriage Capture project and 44067 just became the next victim of the BGC.

There was nothing to report and everything was going nice and very much to order until the unruly Reading lot got on at, well, at Reading. As the ugly hoards staggered their way up the aisle, one mardy bugger who was obviously not having the best of mornings was heard to mutter “Fuckin’ hell!” as it looked like all the seats would be taken before he would have a chance to park his backside in a free spot.

This in itself would be a small and forgettable occurrence but for the fact minutes after the event I spotted this tweet from one of the regular commuting tweeters who I follow, @cr_rail

This could only mean one thing and I’m sure you’ve already figured it quicker than me, that somewhere in this carriage was someone I had only previously known by avatar and moaning tweets.

Before you could say cheesy Hollywood rom-com you had Jess from FGW chipping in recreating her own version of Brief Encounter and getting all gushing about the fact we were in the same carriage!

Now what’s the problem with all of this I hear all you non-commuting readers ask? (Yeah, like there are any non-commuting readers………(Yeah, like there any readers at all!)) Well it’s a funny thing but the possibility of “train friends” isn’t necessarily something I’m comfortable with and I get the impression from other tweeting commuters that they feel the same. It’s a much often repeated cliché that the British travel on busses, trains and tubes and never utter a word to each other and it’s true, we don’t, but the reason this has become a staple topic of stand-up comedians everywhere is because we actually prefer it that way. We love our bubbles of silence and our little worlds of mental self-delusion and we’ll protect and defend them to the hilt.

Luckily it would see that Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss @cr_rail feels the same and we both rejected Jess’s suggestion to perform a synchronised wave so we could identify each other. And anyway, after all, it’s much more fun trying to work out who it might be secretly!

So…..is it young-beany-hat-over-the-eye-snooze-guy? Or ginger-kindle-fiend? Surely not Ms-stupid-look-at-me-cough who I had to sit next to yesterday? You’re not Mr “Not that one!” Williams are you?

42080 – 17:33 Monday 12th May

42080

Guess what? Guess what? It’s all happening on the 17:33 Paignton Service especially in Carriage B (42080) where our hero, the BGC, has just taken a seat next to a chap who obviously has beach balls for testicles looking at the width he has to keep his legs open.

And what is the cause for this excitement? Well hold onto your hats as I have an answer to my second Service Improvement suggestion, so project #NotJasonNess is complete! Well, I say complete when what I really mean is confused.

Fans of the blog, and let’s face, just who isn’t a fan of the blog, will remember that I had punted two Service Improvement suggestions over to FGW and Twitter operator extraordinaire Grant had promised to ensure I got two replies from FGW management about them. I got one reply by return post almost and with the other one dropping in today; I guess a total of a one week turnaround isn’t too bad.

I won’t go into the details of each Service Improvement in case one of you steals the idea and makes fortune from one of the other TOCs but I will describe the replies by using a fruit analogy.

In the first enquiry I basically asked, “I think the season ticket holders should get some free fruit every month, maybe an apple, perhaps a banana and on special occasions, a plum.”

Rachel from FGW (remember her? Young, attractive and without a hint of fake tan) replied with something along the lines of, “Didn’t you know you were already entitled to a free apple? And soon we’ll be introducing some surprising and delightful other fruits as well.” (My words not hers.)

So that’s all good, at least my enquiry was addressed and I will be chasing in the style of Duncan Norvelle to ensure I get to find out what the surprise and delights turn out to be.

My other Service Improvement suggestion was a little more complicated but went along these lines, “it takes a long time to load the pears. How about FGW employs some peaches and by having a grape on every pear, trains would be able to leave the stations a lot quicker.”

The reply I got back from someone called Andrew Saunders, who is an Integrated Transport Manager no less, went like this. “Thanks you for your enquiry about pears. We are looking into some melons. We hope to have some new cauliflowers by the end of May.”

So it’s a classic FGW-ism of being one step forward but feeling two steps back. Anyone got a cabbage?

44004 – 06:57 Monday 12th May

44004

Ummmm, not a lot to report today.

Got the train, read the Metro, fell asleep, got off the train, took a photo of the carriage, got stared at by the other passengers.

Well that’s another Carriage A, 44004 in the book.

See you tonight……..in the meantime enjoy this melancholic poem from @creativerach1

42096 – 17:15 Friday 9th May

42096

Early arrival at Paddington should have meant the opportunity to get a non-regular train, and it did, but unfortunately that didn’t mean I got a non-regular carriage as no sooner had to plonked myself down in a lovely spare double seat in Carriage B on the 17:15 Carmarthen Service than I realised I’d already been in this one before.

So with a slight huff and puff I gathered up my belongings and thought a quick scamper down into Carriage C would see me with a new berth and a new carriage. Alas FGW foiled my plans by ensuring all the seats were reserved seats in this carriage meaning my stumble down the carriages had to continue onward to Carriage D.

It was here I did manage to find a place aboard 42096 but not before I had to ask the window sitter to move their bag. In fact there seemed there was a disproportionate amount of seat-bag-hoggers in operation today. Now I’ve already had a rant at the aisle sitters but even worse than these wastes of skin are the seat-bag-hoggers who are quite despicable and possibly the lowest creation on this fair earth. Perhaps my tweet explaining all this wasn’t so pithy but you get the point.

The bright spot in this cloudy sky was spotting that the carriage number is also shown on the side of the air con unit in the carriage. Quite why this excited me as much as it did it probably an unhealthy sign but at least it’s another option when trying not too look too much like a sad spotter when taking the photos. (Emphasis on the “trying”.)

44030 – 06:57 Friday 9th May

44030

I sent a heartfelt pre-train tweet this morning claiming how Friday is my best chance for a nice peaceful double seat on the journey into London and wondering whether this very modest commuter’s dream will come true.

Alas I rather blotted my own copy-book by sitting next to a reserved seat which saw me on my Jack Jones until Reading when the seat owner (who gets on every day – “NOT THAT ONE!”) got on. So I only have myself to blame!

Apart from that I can only continue to wonder at my luck at consistently managing to capture new Carriage As as today’s prey was 44030, yet another green tick on the wall-chart.

Jess? You updated yet?

42333 – 18:37 Thursday 8th May

42333

This is getting to be far too much of a habit and is hampering the Carriage Capture no end. Jumped aboard the 17:49 again and innocently sat in Carriage B only to find out I was in this very same carriage only 2 days ago when it was masquerading as the 17:33 service.

So unfortunately I cannot tell you all about the “little man armrest hogger” who sat by me to Maidenhead and I cannot tell you all about the bloke in Ain’t Half Hot Mum shorts who say by me to Reading.

What I can tell you about is the ranging hurricane of a tweet war which has become known as #cupgate because it was still going on by the time I reached Reading and boarded Carriage E (42333) on the 18:37 Frome Service.

Basically to cut a long story short, it is possible to get a free cup of hot water from a FGW on-board café providing the following criteria are all fulfilled:

• The water is for one of the following reasons:
• Warming baby food
• Taking medication
• Assisting with childbirth
• Creating a rainforest atmosphere for 1st Class Passengers
• Washing smalls
• All cups must be accounted for by:
• Being signed for in triplicate
• Having the serial number of the cup tattooed in your armpit
• A signed waiver from both parents an at least 3 grandparents
• Electronic receipt from Marky Mark’s butler
• Under no circumstances must the water be used for:
• Brewing tea
• Holding under the air con sensor so it actually turns on
• The benefit and comfort of Standard Class Passengers

It’s worth noting that 1st Class Passengers as well as being entitled to as much hot water as their colostomy bags can handle, can also partake of hot unicorn’s blood served in a gem encrusted griffin’s skull (on production of 1st Class Ticket only.)

See you tomorrow……..

44015 – 06:57 Thursday 8th May

44015

An interesting start to the day. 

Not on the train. That was about as exciting as a bowl of Weetabix for breakfast (other cereals are just as tasteless) with all the excitement being provided by Ginger-Kindle-Reader stepping on my toe. But I’ll say this for Carriage 44015 (playing the part of Carriage A on the 06:57) it got me to Paddington on time and in one piece…..apart from the toe.

But the exciting thing was a lovely mail from FGW’s lovely Jess who seemed inexplicably excited by the fact that not only have I now achieved the first 20 captures but she now has a copy of my spreadsheet onto which she can log my progress. If I was a betting man I reckon this will be blu-tacked up to the FGW office wall within the day and a green day-glo pen waiting on the side ready to mark off the next victims in the quest. Oh Ollie, Leo and Grant may whinge and moan that there’s no room for their pull out and keep World Cup chart but we all know which is more exciting and which one has more chance for running longer than a fortnight.

All together now…..”Back home……they’ll be thinking about us….”

40104 – 18:37 Wednesday 7th May

40104

As good old Victor Meldrew might have exclaimed, “I don’t bloody believe it!” – Tonight I leapt about the 17:49 Worcester Service and immediately sat down in Carriage E, 42055, and it only goes and turns out that I’ve already been in this carriage!

What makes this even more annoying is that the journey to Reading was interesting enough to have a couple of stories to tell. Well I say interesting, what I really mean is annoying as the first thing that greeted me was the same bloody chap as a couple of days ago speaking to his kids on the phone. This time though it wasn’t a rehash of what the little brat had had for tea but rather a quick run through of today’s homework…..”and how many trees did you have to draw? Mmm, and did you do them neatly?”…..as I say, you can’t fault his commitment but I wish he’d do it before he leaves work or from the privacy of the toilet.

Then I ended up sitting next to little Miss First Big Job who immediately rang a friend as soon as she sat down to have a good old moan about her day at work….”and then it was like, and I was like, so she was all like and I mean no-one was like, so it was all like that in the end.” On and on and on and on and on, until I wished I’d bought shares in the word “like”. 

And then of course she entered cliché phase, “and so I was like to Alisha (yes of course, she couldn’t just be Emma could she) and she was like back to me, but Lissy (quite, it wouldn’t be Claire would it) you’re so not like that. I think I need to work in a place like a university and not like a secondary school.”

Why not try working in a place like a workplace! ARRRRGGGHH.

It was about this time I received a tweet from lovely Jo who had just checked in to tell me that apparently whilst Rachel from marketing is young and attractive, she doesn’t use self-tan. So that’s me told! And whilst on the medium of the tweet I spotted this from @_Funnynames_ which had me wetting myself……much to Lissy’s disgust as it disturbed her moaning…….like.

It was quite a relief to get to Reading and swap to the Frome Service and Carriage 40104 which is a Carriage F and my very first of this type of carriage. Obviously it was one of those ones with ½ Standard Class and ½ buffet rather than ½ 1st Class and ½ buffet which raises the question as to how on earth I’m going to capture the 1st Class Carriages……….answers on a postcard to the usual address.

44081 – 06:57 Wednesday 7th May

44081

After last night’s revelations about the “surprise and delights” (her words not mine) on the way to all of us Season Ticket holders today’s journey was never going to live up to those high standards……and indeed it didn't.

Highlights were sitting next to the rambler who wears a flat cap and Robert the Train Manager who responded to Mr Flat Cap and mine proffering of our tickets for inspection with a “thanks gents….”

That is all. Have a good day everyone……..

42029 – 17:33 Tuesday 6th May

42029

It was a good news journey home, not least because I managed to not cough up a lung on my 100 yard dash for the 17:33 Paignton Service and certainly not least because Carriage B (42029) offered up a lovely double berth into which I could snooze the 30 minutes into Reading.

But the main piece of good news come through round about Slough (yes, that’s right, a sentence with “good news” and “Slough” in it) when Grant (he of my Twitter spat last night) confirmed that not only had he passed on the contents of my Service Improvement suggestions but he’d already received a reply with regards to one of them.

The reply came from someone called Rachel who works in marketing (so she’s no doubt young, attractive and probably uses self-tan) and is apparently responsible for all Season Ticket holder benefits. Rachel delighted in being able to tell me that there were in fact some Season Ticket benefits already in place, more specifically to the tune of 2 weekend tickets as long as I signed up to the marketing email communications. She also teasingly told me that there were some further “surprise and delights” (her words not mine) in the pipeline.

Well all I can say is, bring it on Rachel, I’ll take any number of freebies you can fling at me! If you need any suggestions for the “surprise and delights” (her words not mine) then here’s my top 5:

• A ride in the cab of a HST – Seriously I keep mentioning this and can confirm once again that if FGW would ever give me this I would never ever complain about anything ever again. The 2 toots on the horn are still a deal-breaker though.
• A redesign of the standard class seats which gives each passenger their own armrest.
• The ability to turn off the Express Café announcements for the duration of my journey. I really don’t need to know about the porridge.
• The right to give a dead-leg to anyone in the quiet carriage who makes more noise than the rustle of a newspaper.
• More hats for FGW staff. Not strictly a service improvement suggestion but I do believe that a smart peaked cap will put a spring in the step of all FGW personnel.

44074 – 06:57 Tuesday 6th May

44074

A lovely long sunny bank holiday might do wonders for the soul and for the niggling DIY jobs that have been put off for the last six months, but it doesn’t do so much for progress on the Carriage Capture. Nor does a duplicate carriage on Friday evening which meant it wasn’t until this morning with Carriage A on the 06:57 that I was able to get things going again with 44074 captured and safely put in the bag.

There was nothing to report on the journey apart from my neighbour’s thigh pressing into mine which wouldn’t be a problem apart from the fact that he had a beard and hissing headphones, but what is to report is the twitter spat I allowed myself to be foolishly dragged into yesterday evening. Perhaps it was watching Ronnie O’Sullivan allow the chance of a 6th World Title slip from his grasp that had made me so peevish or perhaps it was just spotting this self-pitying tweet from @FGW:

Don't you understand? It's not us, it's all your fault!

Now I know that the limit of 140 characters isn't exactly the ideal basis for getting across nuanced points but there really is a list of things that the FGW should never try to do on the medium of tweet (for details of this list please leave a comment on the blog) and unfortunately Grant’s no doubt well intentioned message here just came across as a pathetically winging comment that seems to suggest that any lack of improvement in the service is the passenger’s fault.

The fact is however that I have fedback service improvement suggestions to FGW on more than one occasion but have so far never received any sort of reply or acknowledgement from a manager with responsibilities in that particular area of the business. I have had recognition of receipt of my emails and I have had further discussion on these points with members of the communications team but as for having some sort of tip of the hat in my direction from someone from the upper echelons……..well as I say, their stove-pipe top hats are staying firmly attached to their heads.

Now the phrase “Service Improvement” is a curious one in itself because in the three years I’ve been a constant commuter, I have seen not one single improvement. That’s not to say of course there hasn’t been good service, there has been, plenty of it in fact but things don’t actually get any better. Service levels seem to be strangely circular with period of months with no issues whatsoever followed by a similar period where everything seems to fall apart at the seams. But none of this has anything to do with “service improvement”; there aren’t more trains, the fares haven’t gone down, there’s no new facilities, there’s no new choices. The standard of an average journey is the same as it was in, in my case anyway, 2011. Now I’m sure if FGW were directly challenged on this they would quote the new Reading Station or the plans for the roll out of WiFi (really? Wifi by 2014? That’s nothing to be proud of….) but all of this is either the work or investment of other partners or too little a lot lot lot too late. If I'm wrong here of course, let me know......tell me of the extra services, tell me of the new trains that run all night, explain how my season ticket also enables me to a free coffee, go into detail about the new seats with extra room, wax lyrical about the new ticket offices and their extended opening hours, sing from the rooftops about the additional work with your partners which has seen a decrease in the percentage of infrastructure failures........my ears, unlike the door to Marky Mark's inbox, always open.

Anyway to cut a long and drawn out twitter conversation short, what’s happened now is that I have emailed a couple of service improvement suggestions to Grant directly and he has promised to chase these up and ensure that I do get a response from someone appropriate. (Not that Grant himself has as yet acknowledged the mail yet, which is curious considering one of the points here is the subject of acknowledgement….) So the clock is ticking Grant and if anyone wants to follow my progress on this mission the hashtag you’ll need is #NotJasonNess 

44009 – 06:57 Friday 2nd May

44009

Thank goodness for Friday trains and their surplus of seats that allowed me to luxuriate in a double seat in Carriage A and allow all the other passengers to avoid my hangover breath and hangover face.

Everything was going swimmingly, I was catching up on some much needed sleep and the other passengers were managing to evade my ugly mug, until we approached the outskirts of Slough and ground to a screeching halt. It turned out that there was, according to FGW anyway, signalling problems but this was being “robustly challenged” by the rest of the commuting twitteratti who were claiming it was down to a broken down train stuck in the station.

What wasn’t helping matters was that poor old Jo, who was manning the FGW twitter feed rather like General Custer guarding the fort at Little Big Horn, was also reporting other broken down trains stretching from Taunton to Newbury and from Castle Cary to Reading. It looked very much like @FGWDodgy_Norman ‘s orchestrated maintenance disaster plan had come to fruition and his timed “spanners in the works” were exploding exactly on cue.

When all was said and done, when the dust had settled and when Jeremy had said “at the end of the day”, I was 9 minutes late into Paddington which I guess for a Friday and without the energy to join in the FGW Twitter kicking isn’t too bad.

42204 – 22:45 Thursday 1st May

42204

It was a late night journey home for a tired and emotional BGC after another classic Oranges and Lemons tour of the watering holes near to Barbican. The 22:45 Swansea service was my chosen chariot home and I managed to get a double seat and spent the next 30 minutes slumped next to the window in Carriage B talking to myself.

The only factors that got me through the wait at the building site hellhole that is Reading Station until the last Newbury bound Turbo was a very fine cappuccino from the finest coffee shop this side the Urals, Tutti Frutti and spotting these two fashion assassins who only have themselves to blame for getting tweeted.