42080 – 17:33 Monday 12th May

42080

Guess what? Guess what? It’s all happening on the 17:33 Paignton Service especially in Carriage B (42080) where our hero, the BGC, has just taken a seat next to a chap who obviously has beach balls for testicles looking at the width he has to keep his legs open.

And what is the cause for this excitement? Well hold onto your hats as I have an answer to my second Service Improvement suggestion, so project #NotJasonNess is complete! Well, I say complete when what I really mean is confused.

Fans of the blog, and let’s face, just who isn’t a fan of the blog, will remember that I had punted two Service Improvement suggestions over to FGW and Twitter operator extraordinaire Grant had promised to ensure I got two replies from FGW management about them. I got one reply by return post almost and with the other one dropping in today; I guess a total of a one week turnaround isn’t too bad.

I won’t go into the details of each Service Improvement in case one of you steals the idea and makes fortune from one of the other TOCs but I will describe the replies by using a fruit analogy.

In the first enquiry I basically asked, “I think the season ticket holders should get some free fruit every month, maybe an apple, perhaps a banana and on special occasions, a plum.”

Rachel from FGW (remember her? Young, attractive and without a hint of fake tan) replied with something along the lines of, “Didn’t you know you were already entitled to a free apple? And soon we’ll be introducing some surprising and delightful other fruits as well.” (My words not hers.)

So that’s all good, at least my enquiry was addressed and I will be chasing in the style of Duncan Norvelle to ensure I get to find out what the surprise and delights turn out to be.

My other Service Improvement suggestion was a little more complicated but went along these lines, “it takes a long time to load the pears. How about FGW employs some peaches and by having a grape on every pear, trains would be able to leave the stations a lot quicker.”

The reply I got back from someone called Andrew Saunders, who is an Integrated Transport Manager no less, went like this. “Thanks you for your enquiry about pears. We are looking into some melons. We hope to have some new cauliflowers by the end of May.”

So it’s a classic FGW-ism of being one step forward but feeling two steps back. Anyone got a cabbage?

44081 – 06:57 Wednesday 7th May

44081

After last night’s revelations about the “surprise and delights” (her words not mine) on the way to all of us Season Ticket holders today’s journey was never going to live up to those high standards……and indeed it didn't.

Highlights were sitting next to the rambler who wears a flat cap and Robert the Train Manager who responded to Mr Flat Cap and mine proffering of our tickets for inspection with a “thanks gents….”

That is all. Have a good day everyone……..

42029 – 17:33 Tuesday 6th May

42029

It was a good news journey home, not least because I managed to not cough up a lung on my 100 yard dash for the 17:33 Paignton Service and certainly not least because Carriage B (42029) offered up a lovely double berth into which I could snooze the 30 minutes into Reading.

But the main piece of good news come through round about Slough (yes, that’s right, a sentence with “good news” and “Slough” in it) when Grant (he of my Twitter spat last night) confirmed that not only had he passed on the contents of my Service Improvement suggestions but he’d already received a reply with regards to one of them.

The reply came from someone called Rachel who works in marketing (so she’s no doubt young, attractive and probably uses self-tan) and is apparently responsible for all Season Ticket holder benefits. Rachel delighted in being able to tell me that there were in fact some Season Ticket benefits already in place, more specifically to the tune of 2 weekend tickets as long as I signed up to the marketing email communications. She also teasingly told me that there were some further “surprise and delights” (her words not mine) in the pipeline.

Well all I can say is, bring it on Rachel, I’ll take any number of freebies you can fling at me! If you need any suggestions for the “surprise and delights” (her words not mine) then here’s my top 5:

• A ride in the cab of a HST – Seriously I keep mentioning this and can confirm once again that if FGW would ever give me this I would never ever complain about anything ever again. The 2 toots on the horn are still a deal-breaker though.
• A redesign of the standard class seats which gives each passenger their own armrest.
• The ability to turn off the Express Café announcements for the duration of my journey. I really don’t need to know about the porridge.
• The right to give a dead-leg to anyone in the quiet carriage who makes more noise than the rustle of a newspaper.
• More hats for FGW staff. Not strictly a service improvement suggestion but I do believe that a smart peaked cap will put a spring in the step of all FGW personnel.

44074 – 06:57 Tuesday 6th May

44074

A lovely long sunny bank holiday might do wonders for the soul and for the niggling DIY jobs that have been put off for the last six months, but it doesn’t do so much for progress on the Carriage Capture. Nor does a duplicate carriage on Friday evening which meant it wasn’t until this morning with Carriage A on the 06:57 that I was able to get things going again with 44074 captured and safely put in the bag.

There was nothing to report on the journey apart from my neighbour’s thigh pressing into mine which wouldn’t be a problem apart from the fact that he had a beard and hissing headphones, but what is to report is the twitter spat I allowed myself to be foolishly dragged into yesterday evening. Perhaps it was watching Ronnie O’Sullivan allow the chance of a 6th World Title slip from his grasp that had made me so peevish or perhaps it was just spotting this self-pitying tweet from @FGW:

Don't you understand? It's not us, it's all your fault!

Now I know that the limit of 140 characters isn't exactly the ideal basis for getting across nuanced points but there really is a list of things that the FGW should never try to do on the medium of tweet (for details of this list please leave a comment on the blog) and unfortunately Grant’s no doubt well intentioned message here just came across as a pathetically winging comment that seems to suggest that any lack of improvement in the service is the passenger’s fault.

The fact is however that I have fedback service improvement suggestions to FGW on more than one occasion but have so far never received any sort of reply or acknowledgement from a manager with responsibilities in that particular area of the business. I have had recognition of receipt of my emails and I have had further discussion on these points with members of the communications team but as for having some sort of tip of the hat in my direction from someone from the upper echelons……..well as I say, their stove-pipe top hats are staying firmly attached to their heads.

Now the phrase “Service Improvement” is a curious one in itself because in the three years I’ve been a constant commuter, I have seen not one single improvement. That’s not to say of course there hasn’t been good service, there has been, plenty of it in fact but things don’t actually get any better. Service levels seem to be strangely circular with period of months with no issues whatsoever followed by a similar period where everything seems to fall apart at the seams. But none of this has anything to do with “service improvement”; there aren’t more trains, the fares haven’t gone down, there’s no new facilities, there’s no new choices. The standard of an average journey is the same as it was in, in my case anyway, 2011. Now I’m sure if FGW were directly challenged on this they would quote the new Reading Station or the plans for the roll out of WiFi (really? Wifi by 2014? That’s nothing to be proud of….) but all of this is either the work or investment of other partners or too little a lot lot lot too late. If I'm wrong here of course, let me know......tell me of the extra services, tell me of the new trains that run all night, explain how my season ticket also enables me to a free coffee, go into detail about the new seats with extra room, wax lyrical about the new ticket offices and their extended opening hours, sing from the rooftops about the additional work with your partners which has seen a decrease in the percentage of infrastructure failures........my ears, unlike the door to Marky Mark's inbox, always open.

Anyway to cut a long and drawn out twitter conversation short, what’s happened now is that I have emailed a couple of service improvement suggestions to Grant directly and he has promised to chase these up and ensure that I do get a response from someone appropriate. (Not that Grant himself has as yet acknowledged the mail yet, which is curious considering one of the points here is the subject of acknowledgement….) So the clock is ticking Grant and if anyone wants to follow my progress on this mission the hashtag you’ll need is #NotJasonNess